Giving Up on Love

I don't give up on love for myself and for my friends and family, but I do give up on romantic love.

I will honor the fact that I may need the rest of my life to process what happened with Josh and process what happened in my childhood and so forth. I need to do this alone without anyone by my side.

I know I'm more than worthy of a relationship, but the world doesn't see it that way. And that's not my fault. Not my doing.

People see me as a burden because of my mental illnesses, but I see myself as a vulnerable, caring woman who has loved deeply. Loved beyond anyone's capacity to understand.

I know who I love. I'm incapable of loving anyone else. But I give myself compassion instead of shame. Because I honor the memories and I honor the way he made me feel. In a way no one else made me feel.

I'm not a failure, I'm a brave, brave person who believed in a love that was more.

That will write Free and no longer be ashamed of how much I loved Josh. How much he was the only one who truly made me feel safe.

I don't need anyone to tell me I'm wrong for how I feel.

I will need the rest of my days to process all this...alone.