I Carry You

This makes me think of losing a child and something i read recently-here's an excerpt

"You know what I find interesting?  If you lose a spouse, you're called a widow, or a widower.  If you're a child and you lose your parents, then you're an orphan.  But what's the word to describe a parent who loses a child?  I guess that's just too fucking awful to even have a name."
I think of this when i read your write-and you wrote it beautifully-even if my take is wrong--great poem Rachel :-) Peace, Miki

I read that once too...and it is too awful. That is why I have never wrote about it until now.  
 
Your take on it is not wrong miki. Thank you so much for your comment and for stopping by and adding this. I truly appreciate it.

sadly, I had my own reasons for reading that-and I cant even approach the subject in writing--locked, bolted-nice and courageous lady :-)

I have been working on the unbolting. Slowly. Hugs to you.

I think Miki made a point that many would find useful....There are no words to describe what you have experienced and put on paper.  Yet I know so many who have experienced this.....The poem was excellent and I hope you can feel the support given to you ( all the people who commented +++ )for your courage to put this to paper.
Peace
Kitty

Thank you so much. I truly appreciate the support here. It means a lot.

miki, please read the comment left for Rachel, I wish all the same for you.
D x

okeee dokeeee==if u want -i will --lol
Miki is high tonight my friends and is all out of any concerns anyway...

I am not playing that game with you any longer since you twisted it all around. :P

Thanks for comment. :)

Moving and heart-felt. Well written and expressed. Made me teary.

Peace, Indie

Aww, thanks Indie. Truly. :)

very touching rachel and I totally get your frustration and sadness in this

Thank you Paul, means a lot.

It has all been written and commented on before me and so I can do is echo the heart-felt sentiments expressed above. Rachel, you are a very courageously brave lady to attempt to write this awful, devastating tragedy out. I wish you peace and comfort and much, much love.

D xxx

Thank you =very very kind :-)))

Thank you so much. It took me 10 years to do this. I never talk about it. I appreciate your kind words.

A very heart-felt write.  I grieved through poetry for many years, it was loss that started me writing and I wouldn't be without it now.

I feel you.  A poignant and beautiful pen.

Grieving through poetry is something that I am just now starting to learn. I wonder why I haven't done it this whole time. What a great release it is.

Thank you so much for your comment. It means a lot.

Rachel you make me wanna indulge in the love factor with the deep breathing of being intoxicated in one form or another.. I just cant let myself. for feelings like this here remind me of why. so i can feel it through your eyes. thank you for being so devoted to release.

Thank you Devilish, for always leaving me such wonderful and flattering comments. They mean a lot to me. :)

this is good, it brought chills down my spine..

I am glad you think so :)

Thank you so much!

this is such a sad and deep write Rachel..you poured your soul into this poem..peace Crim

Thank you Crim for your comment and the add. Means a lot. :)

Rachel

I admire poets who write guthitting threadbare
confessional poetry. Slices from real life.

This here is an exorcised demon. It's vicious, universal and potent. Well, lady...I respect you
for the courage you have shown. My mum still does not talk about it after losing her second child one and half years ago. So, what you have done here is exemplary.:) Highest regards.

Still I will not spare any scope for improvement. You have been consistent and on the very right track since your inclusion here. So this won't be an exception.:)

'carried you
from life's beginning
to deaths end

[ I love bare narratives. This is shaved poetry, sans any fat. I LOVE this. Very few can do it well and I am happy to see you do it well.

One thing. life's has an apostrophe while deaths
does not. I will suggest remove the apostrophe and any other punctuation. If possible capitalization. Make it stand hard like a monolith sans any support. That's just a suggestion though.]  

His purpose
hurt-betrayal
a lesson?


teasing me
a broken
promise; lies


empty
unfilled arms
needing
to hold you near

{'unfilled' is a beautiful choice. Very effective.]

craving
your existence
dying to live again

your grave
is my
broken heart

[Beautiful analogy, Rachel]

there is where
I again
carry you

[There should be 'that' IMO. I suggest you
do a little tweak and place again post 'you'.
That way it would wield more power. ]

from your life's beginning
to my deaths end

[Apostrophe. Again.:) Was it intentional?]

I won't say anymore. Just this. Despite having barely known you and having come here to give some positive critique, I want to say one thing.
I am very proud of you. For everything.

i.mean.it.

Light,

Sumeet

p.s- Write on.:)

Wow Sumeet, you leave the most well thought out, meaningful and helpful comments. I am so grateful that you started reading my work.

I feel for your mom, I don't talk about it and the above is the first acknowledgment I have made since it happened almost 10 years ago.

It is hard for me to even come back and read this, and I teared up during your review from reflection.

I will look more into the apostrophe thing. It can be tricky to me sometimes. When it comes to possession, I guess one can possess life, i.e, life's, but one can't possess death for obvious reasons.

I agree, "that" sounds much better than "there" and I am changing that now.

Your words mean a lot to me Sumeet, I appreciate your time more than I can express.

Thank you.