deepundergroundpoetry.com
It was the year I stayed in bed
never changed my red toothbrush
wished for decay
looked outside
at neighbours mowing grass
in straight show home tracks
while my train de-railed
carriages all on fire
conductors screaming
it was the year I stayed in bed
pulled the duvet over my head because
I was told a story once how the boogey man
would only attack what he could visibly touch
and I soon learned that was a fucking lie
so I covered my dead in a quilted shroud
let my epitaph read here lies this girl
earthed in guilt and shame,
how I would blame nobody
as much as I did myself
it was the year I stayed in bed
because I had fucked the pain away
and me with it
thrown out a baby and its bathwater
into a filthy street,
watched old dreams gain traction
gather dirt
flow into the medieval labyrinth
of English drains
wished for the death of the sun
for its black hole to swallow me alive
and spit me out where my heart
was not six times too small for my chest,
where dry heaving would stop bringing up
nothing but absent shots of bile
it was the year my Mother cried, and I lied
to everyone that I was fine, but especially
myself as scars ribboned my white wrists
and I fantasised what it must be like
to have never been found
never been touched
never been sickened
by you
wished for decay
looked outside
at neighbours mowing grass
in straight show home tracks
while my train de-railed
carriages all on fire
conductors screaming
it was the year I stayed in bed
pulled the duvet over my head because
I was told a story once how the boogey man
would only attack what he could visibly touch
and I soon learned that was a fucking lie
so I covered my dead in a quilted shroud
let my epitaph read here lies this girl
earthed in guilt and shame,
how I would blame nobody
as much as I did myself
it was the year I stayed in bed
because I had fucked the pain away
and me with it
thrown out a baby and its bathwater
into a filthy street,
watched old dreams gain traction
gather dirt
flow into the medieval labyrinth
of English drains
wished for the death of the sun
for its black hole to swallow me alive
and spit me out where my heart
was not six times too small for my chest,
where dry heaving would stop bringing up
nothing but absent shots of bile
it was the year my Mother cried, and I lied
to everyone that I was fine, but especially
myself as scars ribboned my white wrists
and I fantasised what it must be like
to have never been found
never been touched
never been sickened
by you
Published 27th Jun 2024
Author's Note
One take reading.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 4
comments 10
reads 215
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
27th Jun 2024 12:02pm
Fuck, the pain in this has its own frequency. I'm trying not to cry.
On a technical note, this is flawless as all your writes are. I still look up to you as a writer and a person, after all these years.
On a technical note, this is flawless as all your writes are. I still look up to you as a writer and a person, after all these years.
27th Jun 2024 2:15pm
Well fuck, if you’re crying, I’m crying…
The feeling is oh so very mutual, my lovely. Keep being you.
Thank you
-M
The feeling is oh so very mutual, my lovely. Keep being you.
Thank you
-M
27th Jun 2024 12:12pm
"One take reading" I hear that. Done beautifully.
The piece is so poignant. I can hear the bleeding of emotion on page. The part when you wrote "it was the year my Mother cried, and I lied
to everyone that I was fine"
Was to hide the secret that everything is not fine.
The piece is so poignant. I can hear the bleeding of emotion on page. The part when you wrote "it was the year my Mother cried, and I lied
to everyone that I was fine"
Was to hide the secret that everything is not fine.
27th Jun 2024 2:17pm
One take readings are the best. Faults and all.
It absolutely wasn’t fine, but I guess that sometimes we lie to ourselves and others around us for many reasons.
I love that you took the time to share your thoughts here. Thank you, Fia.
-M
It absolutely wasn’t fine, but I guess that sometimes we lie to ourselves and others around us for many reasons.
I love that you took the time to share your thoughts here. Thank you, Fia.
-M
Anonymous
- Edited 7th Sep 2024 3:45pm
28th Jun 2024 1:17am
<< post removed >>
28th Jun 2024 8:07am
Thanks for picking out something that you were drawn to. Thank you for your kind comments on my audio as well.
Much appreciated :)
-M
Much appreciated :)
-M
28th Jun 2024 3:57am
This is fucking heart wrenching. I dont even know what to say. My heart is fucking broken. I'm here for you. You know that!
Aww. Don’t go breaking your heart now.
I do indeed know that, and it means more to me than I could ever possibly say.
Thank you for everything.
-M
I do indeed know that, and it means more to me than I could ever possibly say.
Thank you for everything.
-M
28th Jun 2024 2:28pm
So well written! The recording really enhanced my enjoyment of the piece. One take huh? Outstanding!
11th Jul 2024 4:45pm
I feel this, it's a sad place to be, well written though and may your next year be as bright and flower filled as you like
