Rehab diaries #2

TRIGGER WARNING: references to sexual assault

Friend is sometimes just a word
that men use interchangeablely
with someone they'd like to fuck

I don't remember his poison now
heroin I think, maybe speed
it doesn't really matter
he was a friend in the hell
of those walls that promised
rehabilitation
but gave us only suffering instead

He shaved his legs because
he liked they felt when he
was tangled up with his girlfriend

He was fun and funny
and a small dash of sunshine
in that institution of grey

I don't remember the trigger
only that we were friends
until we weren't

I remember running down the empty halls
of our dormitory after he decided
our friendship needed a shake up
that involved his cock

I remember the way the wall felt
against my arm and face
as he pushed me against it
I remember the cold of the floor
as I struggled with him
and kicked him off me

All I knew was
I didn't want this
I didn't want this
I DIDN'T WANT THIS

The only saving grace
I had that night
was that I found the common room
before he could wrestle me into
some quiet corner
where no one would find us

He didn't come for me again
and exited the program
two days later

I didn't report him
I would soon learn it wouldn't
have made a difference if I had