your hand print shouldn't be so indelible

Tell me I'm worthless  
without telling me I'm worthless  
 
I watch you eye fuck  
other girls on the street  
while you avoid holding my hand  
though I haven't kicked the habit  
of reaching for you  
"fuck, she's so hot"  
you smile at me  
with a cruelness  
that sparkles in the last light  
of the afternoon  
 
I look past the leggy blonde  
to the sex shop across the street  
and remember how wearing nothing  
but a smile and sky high heels  
used to be so empowering  
 
I would have gotten naked  
then and there in the middle  
of the fucking street  
if I thought it would make you  
want me again  
but we're too far past that  
 
Instead I pretend like your words  
don't choke me  
a noose  
around our facade of love  
 
I can't remember the last time  
you looked at me  
like you wanted to rip my clothes off  
I can't remember the last time  
you really looked at me  
 
I finger the bruises on my wrist  
remembering how the last time  
you touched me wasn't an act of love  
 
I couldn't tell you what we fought about  
but I know the memory of how hard  
you slapped my face  
with more intimacy than I'd like to  
 
I'll let you hate fuck me later  
while you think about other women  
and I tell myself this love isn't dead  
as I'm forced to finish myself off  
 
The words "I love you"  
hold no meaning anymore  
and I don't know what I'm doing here  
 
I watch you sleep  
maybe I'll stay just one more day  
maybe I'll find the old you tomorrow  
maybe, maybe, maybe  
 
Tell me I'm worthless  
without telling me I'm worthless