your hand print shouldn't be so indelible

Tell me I'm worthless    
without telling me I'm worthless  
   
I watch you eye fuck    
other girls on the street    
while you avoid holding my hand    
though I haven't kicked the habit    
of reaching for you    
"fuck, she's so hot"    
you smile at me    
with a cruelness    
that sparkles in the last light    
of the afternoon    
   
I look past the leggy blonde    
to the sex shop across the street    
and remember how wearing nothing    
but a smile and sky high heels  
used to be so empowering    
   
I would have gotten naked    
then and there in the middle    
of the fucking street    
if I thought it would make you    
want me again    
but we're too far past that    
   
Instead I pretend like your words    
don't choke me    
a noose  
around our facade of love    
   
I can't remember the last time    
you looked at me  
like you wanted to rip my clothes off  
I can't remember the last time    
you really looked at me    
   
I finger the bruises on my wrist    
remembering how the last time    
you touched me wasn't an act of love    
   
I couldn't tell you what we fought about    
but I know the memory of how hard    
you slapped my face    
with more intimacy than I'd like to    
   
I'll let you hate fuck me later    
while you think about other women    
and I tell myself this love isn't dead    
as I'm forced to finish myself off    
   
The words "I love you"    
hold no meaning anymore    
and I don't know what I'm doing here    
   
I watch you sleep  
maybe I'll stay just one more day    
maybe I'll find the old you tomorrow    
maybe, maybe, maybe    
   
Tell me I'm worthless    
without telling me I'm worthless