deepundergroundpoetry.com
Discarded Parts
Broken pieces of desire
rusted with pain.
Clawed with your name.
Tears drown your corroded remains.
Even the trees wearing their pink bouquets,
could no longer extract the dark decay.
Of the day your eyes coldly looked away.
You were there but you were gone.
It's the mind that wanders further than the body.
At first.
And then it's the absence of your body
that blows up my heart.
An explosion raining rejection's shards.
Upon my discarded parts.
rusted with pain.
Clawed with your name.
Tears drown your corroded remains.
Even the trees wearing their pink bouquets,
could no longer extract the dark decay.
Of the day your eyes coldly looked away.
You were there but you were gone.
It's the mind that wanders further than the body.
At first.
And then it's the absence of your body
that blows up my heart.
An explosion raining rejection's shards.
Upon my discarded parts.
Published 23rd May 2024
Author's Note
Memories that still burn
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 2
comments 18
reads 252
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
23rd May 2024 7:45pm
WOW! Heavy. Nothing more to say but this is one exceptional piece of writing.
23rd May 2024 7:48pm
I truly thank you. This was a draft for a long time. I found it very difficult to connect the beginning with the end.
So your comment really means a lot.
So your comment really means a lot.
23rd May 2024 7:48pm
23rd May 2024 7:50pm
I still feel " when they are there but they are really gone"
Thank you so much for checking out.
Thank you so much for checking out.
23rd May 2024 7:49pm
23rd May 2024 7:51pm
I'm blushing beat red. Thank you. This piece really gave me a struggle
It's nice to hear people like it.
It's nice to hear people like it.
23rd May 2024 9:40pm
24th May 2024 9:18am
Some people are hard to get over and sometimes pain remains.
"rusted with pain.
Clawed with your name" > brilliant lines.
I love that the last line is so beautifully connected with the first, it could even be read as one line:
...broken pieces of desire upon my discarded parts...
Great write, dear poetess.
"rusted with pain.
Clawed with your name" > brilliant lines.
I love that the last line is so beautifully connected with the first, it could even be read as one line:
...broken pieces of desire upon my discarded parts...
Great write, dear poetess.
24th May 2024 9:53am
Thank you so much, I loved your comments.
I truly appreciate all your feedback. 💜
I truly appreciate all your feedback. 💜
24th May 2024 2:00pm
24th May 2024 2:14pm
25th May 2024 1:08am
25th May 2024 9:24am
Thank you for checking out.
Heavy is what I was going for.
Unresolved emotions wanting to be heard.
I appreciate your support!
Heavy is what I was going for.
Unresolved emotions wanting to be heard.
I appreciate your support!
27th May 2024 1:01pm
27th May 2024 1:24pm
Yup that's me - a giant deep ache.
Thank you for reading and commenting!
Have a great memorial Day!
Thank you for reading and commenting!
Have a great memorial Day!
27th May 2024 1:24pm
Yup that's me - a giant deep ache.
Thank you for reading and commenting!
Have a great memorial Day!
Thank you for reading and commenting!
Have a great memorial Day!
5th Jul 2024 5:56am
Sounds like a tragedy, coming from someone that knows she's beautiful, but can't seem to "impress" who she loves. Your metaphors of corrosion speak of rusty and useless parts. If there were a man right in his mind, I'm sure he wouldn't treat you as such. I suppose this poem is the tragedy of an aching and hollow voice that isn't considered for in love by the one the protagonist is looking for. Kind of sad and depressing but holds a real feel. Good job.
5th Jul 2024 12:08pm
Thank you for your critique.
My ex husband did treat me like discarded parts.
But he taught me how I never wish to be treated again.
My ex husband did treat me like discarded parts.
But he taught me how I never wish to be treated again.
