deepundergroundpoetry.com
Buterflies in the attic
Our cigarette desire
has me swallowing my own teeth.
I once found you hanging
in my attic, limp.
I force fed old sins
into your lungs,
smothering you in
stray kisses & love
bites. Your vicious,
howling ghost haunted
me for years, warping my days.
My steel heart rusting,
with your devilish whispers
weighing down my fingertips.
has me swallowing my own teeth.
I once found you hanging
in my attic, limp.
I force fed old sins
into your lungs,
smothering you in
stray kisses & love
bites. Your vicious,
howling ghost haunted
me for years, warping my days.
My steel heart rusting,
with your devilish whispers
weighing down my fingertips.
Published 5th May 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
14th May 2012 3:27pm
I love the line "your vicious, howling ghost haunted me for years," but I personally think you should change the line "warping my days," to "raping my days." Just a thought, it's obviously your poem, but I feel like that small change could add a lot more emotion and complete the line "your vicious, howling ghost haunted me for years." Just giving my honest critique. I did like the poem though, it was good. i also am uncertain as to why you entitled the poem "butterflies in the attic." I mean, it's such a deep poem that something as lighthearted as a butterfly might not suit it so well.
15th May 2012 4:19pm
Have you ever seen the movie or read the book Flowers in the Attic? Flowers represented the children who were locked up there like prisoners. Thank you for the critique! :)
