In the Midst of Chaos

Jolted awake
At 2:06am
 
Just to lay here
And
Take it all in
 
The silence is no longer deafening
 
I should be depressed  
Or raging
Or something
 
My journey through life has been hell
 
I’ve made it through
Countless horrors
Only to end up here  
 
I’m physically helpless
My heart is broken again
My once abusive mother is dying
I’m alienated from my family
My circle of friends is minuscule
 
Things are far less
Than ideal
 
But none of that matters
 
I’ve finally let go
I have nothing left to prove
The fight is over
 
I know what I’m made of
 
It’s more than tenacity
Strength or courage
 
It’s undefinable
Like me
 
And this foreignness?
 
The reason I’m comfortable
When everything says
That I shouldn’t be?
 
Peace