your feelings don't matter

There's something so fucking hollow
In knowing you won't be at the top
Of my message lists anywhere anymore
That I'll never share with you again
No videos, no memes, and no thoughts
Cutting you out of me will take some time
I won't ruminate about you thinking of me
The possibility that maybe you'll miss me
Just enough to show up at my door
We both know you would never do that
You have never been afraid to lose me
And now I am gone from your presence
How long until your new relationship breaks?
Because of the broken parts in your heart
That separates you from everyone else
Who has loved you as much as I did?
Who loved every version of you up to this point?
I hope you rot in the feeling of losing me
But I know it doesn't matter in the end
You'll never choose me, will never fight for me
Why would you? I have always come back
I've stood by your side every step of the way
You've never known the risk of my departure
And I can't let myself stay here this time
Blocked is blocked and the walls have been built
I can not maintain this self destroying love
Maybe this is your way of self sabotage
Pushing me away is the only way to protect yourself
But it doesn't matter... I've dropped my sword
I won't fight to stay where I am love on tap
Wanted until you find someone you want more
And that's truly what it comes down to...
The only true need you will ever have for me
Is when no one else will have you I am there
If any of this is untrue I won't be there to hear it
You have had millions of chances to tell me
Millions of moments you could have loved me
But you never loved me enough to lie to me
All these lines of not wanting to ruin things
Of not wanting to lose me... I bought them
I pulled them close and fed my starving heart
Always that little girl... Loving that little boy
Always that teenage girl loving that teenage boy
Always that broken woman loving that broken man
I've never known a life without you in it
So miss me if you are even capable of it
Let yourself feel the aching loss of me if you can
Maybe this time I will be the one haunting you...
Maybe this time you will be the one hurting
And maybe someday I'll stop caring how you feel
Because as you have said before so beautifully...
Your feeling do not matter