Allowing myself to be free

There were times she felt like she was withering away, little by little day by day. Much  like a flower drowning in the rain. Her tears seemed to fill the room.

She was fine, everyone would assume.
But they all knew about the things she'd do to herself, in her room.

When everything became too much,
to her skin with razors she touched.
Her thoughts echoed all around, it was all she heard, not a single sound.

 She often dreamt of better days, happier times in a better place.
She'd always pray for a kinder head space.

One where she wouldn't have to race her thoughts to the punch line.
Where her words were heard and not underminded.

She was alone.
And all they ever gave her,
was a cold shoulder.
All she wanted was someone to hold her.


  Every one has had painful experiences,
the kind where you feel like tears equal weakness.

We are all human, filled with confusion, about our emotions.
But we need to focus on the power we have with the ability to feel, it proves that our emotions are real.

We've all felt broken.
Trying  to explain, leaves us feeling like we're choking.
As if everything is hopeless.

Like we're slowly going insane, feeling like we're strange, it made us ashamed of ourselves.

Leaving our souls up on a shelf, crippled by our own mental health, and hating ourselves, for it all.

    Its up to us to escape or embrace the darkness.
The blades not your friend with it's shimmering sharpness.
Honey I promise, you are not worthless.
You have a purpose here.

When you're sick of the pain and done with the hurt, never stop searching for your self worth.
 It may come when you least expect it, don't run from your fears, one day they'll catch up and you'll regret it.

   It's hard to escape the fears especially if they live in your head, thoughts saying that your better off dead.
When waking up fills you with dread.

That's when you know it's time to let the light in.

    It took me years to let go of my past.
Hell I still struggle to find happiness and make it last.
I held my breath for so long, afraid to say something wrong, but I had it in me all along.

 I tried so many different ways of release, no matter what I did nothing gave me peace. I finally said this is enough, though throwing away my weapons was tough.

I can't deny that the urge to inflict more wounds, has the ability to consume me.


Judging my cover like a book on a shelf
 I cried wondering why I hated myself,
 so much.
Always questioning if I'll ever be good enough.

I just wanted so desperately to find peace, to find something or someone to set me free.  

   As if she was lead to me.
As if it were meant to be.
Somebody new came into my life.
Showing me so much kindness.
I keep thanking God for letting me find this!
No amount of money could ever buy this.
I've searched but I cant define this.
 
I quickly realized how awful I had been treating myself.
Leaving my soul up on shelf.

 So I opened my eyes, and for the first time I let someone In, and then, I saw the light.
I started treating myself better,  despite how others continued to treat me.

 I decided that I deserve to be free.
 I stopped trying to morph myself into the perfect puzzle piece, because God loves me for me and only with him in my heart will I find peace.