Walking on the pieces of me

Little me,
   Once innocent and her heart was whole,
   Searched high and low
        for a place to call  
                   home.

    She was alone with her
      thoughts,
         but they were never  
                  empty.

Like Humpty Dumpty,
She climbed the wall.
     She took a chance and  
        risked it all.

          Suddenly she started to
                           fall.
Years have gone by,
       and I'm still trying to  
       put the pieces back      
                together.
   Where they used to fit,    
       I can't remember.  

All the appointments,
   and all of the pills
couldn't quite make the  
      pieces fit the same
                  again.

Like glue,
    They were a temporary  
             solution.
    For a girl trapped in constant mental    
             pollution.

     Nothing can cure me.

I have to put the work in on
           a daily basis,
         Just to face this.

    I wish I could erase this.

All of the trauma,
    and all of the pain,
      But I know without it I    
         wouldn't be the same.

The person I became.

So say hello to the new me.
    Shattered by the people  
    that I trusted to build me.

Stealing my pieces.

  Sometimes blood is only
       full of diseases.
         Causing more harm
                 than good.

     Trusting more than I    
                   should.

I took the blame,
      When you wouldn't.
          I beared the burdens,
             that you couldn't.

I say that "I'm sorry".
   When I shouldn't be.

         Apologizing for simply
                    being me.

But unlike Humpty Dumpty,
     I started walking,
        on the pieces of me.
  
Just to uphold the peace,
             In my world.

But I am no longer,
     a broken little girl.
        I am a brave, strong
                  woman!

  And I will climb that wall  
     over and over again!

I will bear every scar and
    claim every burden.

As many times as it takes.

  To build the person I was  
      meant to become.
Until the pain you cause,
      no longer makes me  
                 succumb,
              to self hatred.

Self inflicted wounds,
  wrap around my skin.
    I am no longer    
      ashamed to admit,
        That I felt worthless  
             enough to sit up on
                  that wall,
            and let myself fall.

How can anyone keep their  
     sanity through it all?

All the people born in    
     homes that feel more
         lonely than being
                     alone.
 
When all the people
   I thought would  
      rebuild me,
        Broke the pieces that
         they felt just didn't    
              quite fit me.

They wanted someone fit to  
   their liking,
       I was in pieces and had
            no energy for
                  fighting.

There was once a time  
    when I would adjust my  
        pieces,
           Just to uphold the  
              peace in,  
                your life.

      It only ever ended with a    
                       knife.

A knife to my wrist or  
   knives in my back.
     I should have cut    
       myself some slack,
         Frome these chains.

I deserve a little grace.
   After all I can never be
                 replaced.

So why do I still sit upon this wall?
              You ask.

Because much like the
      world we live in.
   Sometimes you need a
      different perspective.