A Poet Without Words

It's been months since I last saw you,
I've stopped counting, it's true,
My life I did skew,
This is my cue
To tell all,
How hard I did fall,
And then fell again,
Leaving many a bleeding ink stain,
Fit for the entrainment of vaudevilles,
I was so head over heels,
That I tripped,
My pen blood dipped,
Trying to with words, prop myself up,
And when I stood up,
My head did spin,
I was holding my spilled guts in,
Though you never did see,
For I wouldn't dare let you see,
My heart hanging by just a thread,
I felt so alive, yet half-dead,
For my words had failed me,
When I looked at you, I felt so free,
And yet so scared,
Not speaking, I dared,
I fell twice, I fell short....
You are the rainbow fish in a sea of dingy scales,
Cutting me open, showing my entrails,
My bleeding heart, my oozing veins
That bled into my pen, the only witness to my pains.
If I cared so much, and still do,
Why didn't I say anything, to show it, true?
I hate myself,
I'm an enigma to myself,
I talk so much, yet now,
I'm a poet without words somehow,
How ironic is that?
Couldn't even start a mundane chat,
I saw you and all my language skills
Turned and ran for the hills.
I guess I'll try it now,
I know not where you may be now,
Oh, how I miss seeing your shining face,
In that anxiety ridden place,
The only reason I stayed at that accursed job,
You turned me into a melted blob
With just one glance in my direction,
Or just seeing you walk past my direction,
Your eyes, your smile, were too intimidating,
I bet it looked like I was just uncaring,
All those times I was quiet around you,
I hope I didn't worry you,
I just knew not how to speak true,
I said what I had to for work to get done,
But in my head and heart, I was not done,
There was so much more I wished I could say,
Every time I saw you, everyday
I wished I could tell you how amazing you are
And how I see your face in every star,
As I look up at the night sky
And take comfort knowing you see the same sky,
I know you're not that far from me,
But I know not where that may be,
I truly cared for you then,
And I still care, again, and again,
I'll always and forever care,
To this I solemnly swear.
I hate myself for not letting you know
Or in some way, just somehow show
Just how much you mean to me,
And now I'm worried it might be too late,
I knew the fear would get to me and I'd have to face this fate.
I know that you knew I was shy,
But that's no excuse for hardly saying hi and goodbye,
And now I shed many a tear,
For having given in to my fear.
To just tell you I'm sorry for hardly speaking to you,
I wish that better, I could've gotten to know you,
I wish I could have told my feelings to you,
I wish I could've at some point, hugged you,
I wish I could just be there for you,
And to care for you,
And now I may never again see you.
If we ever meet again,
I won't let this chance slip again.