I'm Afraid of My Bed

Bed:: (in fake sweet voice) Come on in honey. Going to try again for a good night's sleep? Bless your heart!
Me: Well, it's after midnight. And I'm supposed to sleep at night. Even if I rarely feel like it.
Bed: Are you carrying your Kindle Fire? Seriously? You know you're supposed to turn off all screens an hour before bed.
Me: I know, but it just makes me feel...less alone somehow. Even if I'm playing Scrabble or reading a book on it. If I need to feel connected to other people, I can go onto Facebook or..
Bed: Sounds like you're lonely
Me: No! I'm a strong independent woman. I love my freedom!
Bed: Not late at night you don't. You feel very alone. That's why you sleep better when you visit friends or family.
Me: True. Last time I visited my mom and her partner I slept seven and a half hours one night.
Bed: As opposed to...what? Its gotten worse in the last year, hasn't it?
Me: Yes. According to my Fitbit I average four hours and 45 minutes a night.
Bed: That's horrible! You could have a heart attack! And that's not all...
Me: Okay, stop it. That's not exactly helping.
Bed: Aww, so sorry. I can get your mind off that. How's the job search going?
Me: SERIOUSLY??