See You Next Fall

i have a cold
of course I do  
my winter break just started
  
It's a bad one  
my usual dainty sneezes  
replaced by giant WA-CHOOs!  
that make me sound    
like a 300 pound man  
with plumbers butt  
   
mostly inside yesterday  
mind going to hell
cold sunny day  
perfect for basketball  
   
my body's not up to it  
   
my mind needs it  
   
fourth shot bounces hard off the rim  
I shouldn't run after the ball  
but fear of something  
fat  
age  
anger  
   
compels me  
   
after a few steps  
the toe of my left shoe  
sticks to the asphalt  
   
I'm flying  
   
a jet without landing gear  
I graze the asphalt on my side  
Impact so hard    
my glasses sail off  
the left lens  
settling on some dried leaves  
several feet away  
   
multiple hurts
knee bleeding through my jeans
 
i look for someone to help me  
   
instantly despise myself for it  
   
but oh, look!  
someone is coming
   
a tiny girl toddles up to me  
stops about a foot from my head  
great, I'm rescued
   
hi!  
I sing song weakly  
   
satisfied  
she turns around  
heads back to the miniature slide  
   
get up!  
my inner voice barks meanly  
but I'm flooded  
thinking    
what next?  
what the fuck else can go wrong  
first bounced payment  
In over a decade  
worsening problems at work  
an out of nowhere set up and betrayal  
you can trust me  
she purred  
i'm a vault  
   
ridiculous sociopathic language  
pathetic  
a clear red flag  
   
unless one is utterly overwhelmed and exhausted  
which i was  
   
   
I can't lie on a basketball court forever  
   
Just as I'm putting a scraped palm down  
a young black guy approaches me  
   
I stand as he's about to offer his hand  
   
we talk a minute  
he sweetly tries to normalize my fall (my age?)  
tells me he had been watching me  
could tell it wasn't my first time on a court  
   
keep shooting hoops!  
he implores
 
I will I promise him  
and for the next half hour I do  
despite scrapes and bruises  
despite convulsive coughing fits  
   
i keep going because i love it  
because it's a cold sunny day  
because of the young guy's kindness  
and because i'm too damn afraid    
   
of too many things  
   
to stop