deepundergroundpoetry.com
From Darkness Light Is Born
In a foundry of stone and hollow bone
Amidst the mist I walk alone
Walking, and walking, with no heart to call my own
The voices in my head begin to roar
I feel my tears pooling on the floor
Gone is my happiness, and my soul no more
How happy can I be
With my new mental sobriety
Enough to finally be set free
Now the love begins to press
No more anguish and self duress
No more am I in distress
Amidst the mist I walk alone
Walking, and walking, with no heart to call my own
The voices in my head begin to roar
I feel my tears pooling on the floor
Gone is my happiness, and my soul no more
How happy can I be
With my new mental sobriety
Enough to finally be set free
Now the love begins to press
No more anguish and self duress
No more am I in distress
Published 7th Oct 2022
Author's Note
This is my first post on this website. It's been a while since I've written a poem, so consider this a warm up. Would love to hear any feedback.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 1
comments 8
reads 386
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
7th Oct 2022 5:10am
Looks like a need a dictionary. This has a deep inner pain that turn to light. Also very relateable. Great job!
7th Oct 2022 5:55am
7th Oct 2022 5:42am
I think that your maiden voyage into our poetic seas was a wonderful success!
The rhyming worked well throughout, although sometimes I feel it doesn't have to be so strict in that aspect, which is only my personal preference/like.
I too, enjoy the darkness and found this jaunt into the light particularly relatable.
Kudos, new friend!
*I might have gone even shorter with the lines; removing some of the articles and some prepositions (meaning I, and, with... etc) to me, doing so in certain places makes a poem a bit more poetic sounding.... Again, this is only my own preference and my little bit of feedback!
I hope you take it in the welcoming spirit it's completely intended ;p
I hope you enjoy your time here!
Nice to meet you -
Warmest regards,
🌹B
The rhyming worked well throughout, although sometimes I feel it doesn't have to be so strict in that aspect, which is only my personal preference/like.
I too, enjoy the darkness and found this jaunt into the light particularly relatable.
Kudos, new friend!
*I might have gone even shorter with the lines; removing some of the articles and some prepositions (meaning I, and, with... etc) to me, doing so in certain places makes a poem a bit more poetic sounding.... Again, this is only my own preference and my little bit of feedback!
I hope you take it in the welcoming spirit it's completely intended ;p
I hope you enjoy your time here!
Nice to meet you -
Warmest regards,
🌹B
Thank you! It's easy for me to get lost in the technicalities, instead of letting the words flow. But I'm glad you enjoyed it, and for offering invaluable feedback!
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Oct 2022 6:45pm
7th Oct 2022 4:31pm
<< post removed >>
18th Jan 2023 3:13am
18th Jan 2023 6:38pm
26th Feb 2024 10:36pm
Whether we believe in creation or the big bang, something out of nothing came out and created this great universe.
Nice work.
Nice work.
