The Beef Chow Mein from Lee Ho Fook’s

    
I was visiting an old friend    
Over on the west end    
When he told me about this Cantonese cuisine    
After my visit I walked over there    
Feeling the cool night air    
Enjoying the pretty sights and the lovely scene    
   
When I got to Gerrard street    
I smelled what I wanted to eat    
The beef chow mein my friend had recommended    
But I as reached for the door    
A man was leaving in a roar    
He scratched my hand, but it was unintended    
   
“Pardon me” the gentleman said    
His eyes seemed a little red    
Dressed in a nice suit carrying several bags of chow mein    
He broke the skin on my hand    
I said “Oh no worries man”    
Noticing his thick hair and beard that looked like a mane    
   
I saw a waitress and went toward her    
I wanted to place my order    
But the nice lady told me the restaurant had just ran out    
“The man who had just left    
Always comes in nicely dressed    
Places a big order for himself, pays cash for his take-out”    
   
I went back to the flat a little sad    
I had a chow mein craving really bad    
But the next night I could feel my sense of smell was stronger    
I felt rather strange    
Like something had been arranged    
So I went out late at night, I could not wait any longer    
   
I walked through SOHO all alone    
Through dark streets unknown    
When I tripped over a little old lady who had been mauled    
I let out a blood curling scream    
It all seemed like a bad dream    
My clothes were bloody, and I was completely appalled    
   
But I panicked and ran away    
I cleaned up and went back the next day    
To see if the police had been able to solve the crime    
A lady saw me pointed and said “you”    
As I walked by as I said “a who?”    
She said “he did it” but I just booked out there fast this time    
   
The next night I went to Mayfair    
When over by Grosvenor square    
I heard a woman screaming from across the park    
I could smell the blood    
And as I ran I heard a thud    
She was laying there dead in the mist and the dark    
   
A constable on patrol saw me    
Yelled “halt” but all I did was flee    
I’d been at the wrong place at the wrong time, twice it seems    
The next day there was a sketch    
Resembling me (thought it was a stretch)    
In the Times saying I had been seen fleeing from the scenes    
   
The next night I was anxious in bed    
So I took a drive this time instead    
But I got lost through the roads and ended up in Kent    
I stopped to ask for directions    
At the Faith and Station intersection    
But I found another dead body lying in the pavement    
   
The papers were calling me a killer    
Using a scary font – chiller    
I was afraid I was turning into something supernatural    
All I wanted was chow mein from Lee Ho Fook’s    
Now I’m wanted for murder, Ho Lee Fook    
But the news said “werewolf” and I cried “Holy Mackerel”    
   
My last night in London as I walked Park Lane    
Sitting by a window at Trader Vics I saw his mane
We both sniffed the air and recognized each other’s scent    
He looked at me and gave me a wink    
Then he took a sip of his cocktail drink    
So I went my way and flew back to the states knowing I was innocent    
   
But I was sad I never got my beef chow mein