Stronger Thongs

An erratic tale

“No, don’t go in there”
We told our friend not to open the door that said “Do not enter”
But he wanted to see some tail
Next thing we know we’re in a strip joint called the Infernal Center

The place was decorated with flames and dungeons
I’m guessing some perverts have their own kinks
The patrons looked like they’ve been there way too long
The DJ played shit music and the bar served sour drinks

Or was it sour music and shit drinks
Or was it music drink and sour shit
I can’t remember

So anyway, my friend makes us sit at the very front
Because he wanted to get a good look at the dancer’s…business
One of the other customers who was stoned moaned
“If you give her extra cash (hiccup), she’ll touch your stiffness”

The DJ then said “Welcome to the Infernal Center
Coming up to the stage is our much-desired Jezebel”
Then DJ played a string of Justin Bieber songs!
I looked at my friends and said “damn we are in hell”

Then this dancer who had no business dancing danced on stage
I was like, what’s all the rage about this place?
She started pouncin’ making her baggies bouncin’
Then she removed her veil and revealed her face

OMG, we got suckered into this place by some kind of spell
And smell in this hell…I hoped I didn’t fall under some curse
For the next two hours every dancer had something really wrong
Held together by stronger thongs as each one got worse

It just so happened that my friend had won big at a casino
He flashed that cash and so the manager was on the hook
My friend was drunk as a skunk on that sour shitty alcohol
So he was invited to come up to the stage for a “closer look”

Then the performers came back on the stage all at once
As my friend lay on the floor the DJ yelled “PUNANI TSUNAMI”
And after seeing what I saw I’ll never be the same
That’s why I don’t drink alcohol and I’m afraid of pastrami