THE DEVILS PLAYGROUND

My life is a carousel of nightmares.
 This world is the devil's playground.
And he is the God of this world.
He sometimes has control over my thoughts
Bringing in depression and thoughts of suicide.
Ready to take my final ride to the afterlife.
Not serving much of an earthly purpose.
I've always had a self destructive attitude in life.
For years everything seems to be going as foreseen.
Then, Bamm.
In an instant It's turned into shit.
Yes, i have fucked up.
Possibly lost 2 jobs within minutes of each other.
I fucked up by taking out several personal loans.
Natas influenced me in applying for those loans.
Now my head is spinning out of control.
This world ruled by the fucking money and the fucking power.
I may lose my fucking car due to a personal loan.
If i lose my car, i lose my job.
I lose every fucking thing.
I'm truly fucked.
Damn you natas.

Could it be?
Is this reality?
It has to be.
I pray it's real and not fiction.
It doesn't feel like lust.
It feels like something i trust.
Truth is in the air.
Lies do not exist.
Something developing within my heart.
Could it be?
Is it really?
I thought it could never be happening to me.
Not ever in my lifetime.
I always thought negative thoughts.
Never good happy thoughts.
Wicked thoughts.
A growing hate for good feelings.
All I've experienced while breathing on this rock, is pure sadness.
Anyways, I'm trying to accept this good feeling and not dismiss it.
I know if i do, all will be lost and these feelings will be non-existant for the remainder of my days.
I know it would be foolish of me to not pursue these good feelings.
It will complete my chain of failures in this life.
Alone in total darkness i shall be.
In the void of darkness.
No pleasant smells.
Just an eternal reeking, Mountains upon Mountains of pure demon excrement.
It seems as if i cannot escape this devilz playground.
It's all I've known since 1985.
The deaths.
The heartbreaks.
The lost lovez.
The depression.
The sadness.
The suicidal thoughts.
Just so much fucking hell.
When lord?
When shall i have happiness?
Will i have during my life on earth?
Or is it just to be this continued misery?
I don't know how anyone could ever love me
I may work 80 hours weekly.
I still don't have shit to show for it.
I feel the reaper pass over my soul daily.
He just teases me.
He let's me know, it's not your time just yet Larry. Not time to check out.
Meanwhile natas throws lustful desires in front of my face all 24/7 of my life.
I just wish i had true happiness & a true love one last time before my time is up.
Will it be?
Possibly?
I don't know.
Only God knows.
I want to gouge out both my eyes so i can't see all these sinful lustful things natas puts in my path daily.
I don't want to be around this madness.
I'd rather be anywhere.
Just as long as my ass is forever away from this Devils playground!!!!!!