deepundergroundpoetry.com
Melody
When the roses lose their color
And the minstrels no longer play,
I'll sing you a melody
To put the sun into your day.
When the knights aren't so gallant
And the stars no longer shine
I'll take you from that emptiness
And give you dreams divine.
When the sparrows pass by your window
And the nights refuse to end,
I'll fill the hours with poetry
And love within the satin.
But the roses still have their color
The stars still shine for you to see
Sparrows dance upon your window
And minstrels play your melody.
So if and when that someday
You lose all that gives you love
I'll be ready to fill that void
So you always have enough...
Roses full of vibrant color
Sparrows dancing to minstrels song
The stars at night and sunny days
And my love, to carry you along.
~~~
Published 22nd Jul 2022
| Edited 24th Jul 2022
Author's Note
The second stanza needs work. It's too stuffy. Suggestions?
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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22nd Jul 2022 3:19am
22nd Jul 2022 3:27am
Dammit, do I have to hop? I have this issue with my leg, war wound, Yaknow the deal.
Fine, I'll try. But if I hear a giggle, I'm stopping!
Fine, I'll try. But if I hear a giggle, I'm stopping!
22nd Jul 2022 5:02am
23rd Jul 2022 4:00pm
Actually to clarify, it wasn't a war wound. It was an accident during. And that's when they found the tumors as well. So two negatives resulted in a positive outcome I suppose.
Sometimes my right leg wants to go straight when I'm trying to turn right. Lol. And yeah, sometimes it is comical! It has a mind of its own now. A dumb one!
Sometimes my right leg wants to go straight when I'm trying to turn right. Lol. And yeah, sometimes it is comical! It has a mind of its own now. A dumb one!
22nd Jul 2022 3:55am
This is so sweet and soothing…like a lullaby. So full of kind sentiments. An idea for 2nd stanza:
When the knights aren't so gallant
And the stars no longer shine,
I'll take you from that emptiness
And give you dreams divine.
Though, I love the whole thing as is.
Thanks for sharing. 😊
When the knights aren't so gallant
And the stars no longer shine,
I'll take you from that emptiness
And give you dreams divine.
Though, I love the whole thing as is.
Thanks for sharing. 😊
23rd Jul 2022 4:04pm
I used your idea! I decided that this is going to be a "build a poem" and I will alter it as it goes.
I'm working on another mini story, so this is all I have to offer until then. Lol.
Thank you for your thoughts and ideas! I appreciate the input!
I'm working on another mini story, so this is all I have to offer until then. Lol.
Thank you for your thoughts and ideas! I appreciate the input!
23rd Jul 2022 5:46pm
Looking forward to the story. You have a knack for spellbinding story-telling with great perspective & crafty turn-of-words.
22nd Jul 2022 4:47am
23rd Jul 2022 4:05pm
No. I get chicks the traditional way. Drugs and cash. And a taser for the feisty ones.
Dear S,
Wonderfully tender and very sweet. Thoroughly enjoyable as written because it’s so heartfelt. However, if we’re just knocking back some ideas…I think Ruby’s suggestion for stanza two is lovely and stays within the subtle-ness of your intent.
H🌷
Wonderfully tender and very sweet. Thoroughly enjoyable as written because it’s so heartfelt. However, if we’re just knocking back some ideas…I think Ruby’s suggestion for stanza two is lovely and stays within the subtle-ness of your intent.
H🌷
22nd Jul 2022 5:04am
23rd Jul 2022 4:07pm
Thanks H. I used hers (and yours) idea to see how this thing turns out.
Thank you for your guidance and suggestions. It is to my benefit.
Thank you for your guidance and suggestions. It is to my benefit.
Hi Styx:)
This is so soft. I agree with H:)
You have a way with turning simplicity into magic with words.
Reads so effortlessly. I also love RubyRed's input for stanza 2!!
The ending is great - who doesn't want love to carry you on.
I sure as hell do:)))
oh oh hey hey - where did your stud muffin going to work pic go. Or should I say stud man pic go. Grrrrrr
Had to comment on it and talk smack cause we cool like that. hehehehe
This is so soft. I agree with H:)
You have a way with turning simplicity into magic with words.
Reads so effortlessly. I also love RubyRed's input for stanza 2!!
The ending is great - who doesn't want love to carry you on.
I sure as hell do:)))
oh oh hey hey - where did your stud muffin going to work pic go. Or should I say stud man pic go. Grrrrrr
Had to comment on it and talk smack cause we cool like that. hehehehe
23rd Jul 2022 4:17pm
Thank you Del !
That other pic was actually taken at work. Not before. I don't scowl until I actually get there. Lol. Only some days. Some are pretty decent days. I was trying to show that yeah, I'm skinny, but not deathly skinny. Lol. My job can be a workout at times.
As for this write, I admit that I have a limited education. I write simply, but hopefully effectively. I don't have a plethora of vocabulary to pull from. Lol. Or grammar, for that matter. I've always enjoyed writing for the therapeutic benefits to my psyche.
And yes, for the connections it can build with others who can find some reward in what I write. Just as I do with theirs. This is all a trade to me.
That other pic was actually taken at work. Not before. I don't scowl until I actually get there. Lol. Only some days. Some are pretty decent days. I was trying to show that yeah, I'm skinny, but not deathly skinny. Lol. My job can be a workout at times.
As for this write, I admit that I have a limited education. I write simply, but hopefully effectively. I don't have a plethora of vocabulary to pull from. Lol. Or grammar, for that matter. I've always enjoyed writing for the therapeutic benefits to my psyche.
And yes, for the connections it can build with others who can find some reward in what I write. Just as I do with theirs. This is all a trade to me.
23rd Jul 2022 5:44pm
23rd Jul 2022 6:03pm
Maybe... Lol.
A friend of mine is a pretty big dude. Well, a few of them are. Anyway, he says i have a decent "starter" body for the gym. I'm in good shape, just not buff. Lol.
He always asks me to go with them, and I always say no.
But! He can barely swing his arms, they're so big. His neck and back always hurt, his calves are sore and he can't move after the gym, etc etc. I tell him he's a pussy. Lol.
I at least have stamina!
He looks like a big bag of bowling balls. Yucky. Lol.
A friend of mine is a pretty big dude. Well, a few of them are. Anyway, he says i have a decent "starter" body for the gym. I'm in good shape, just not buff. Lol.
He always asks me to go with them, and I always say no.
But! He can barely swing his arms, they're so big. His neck and back always hurt, his calves are sore and he can't move after the gym, etc etc. I tell him he's a pussy. Lol.
I at least have stamina!
He looks like a big bag of bowling balls. Yucky. Lol.
24th Jul 2022 00:54am
Dude!!! LOL
I was on a bowling league for like a year.
Too funny.
I even ordered my very own purple bowling ball and
had the holes drilled for tiny fingers. hahahah
Just for fun though - I rarely broke 100 on my score card.
I agree - to much is just yucky.
I was on a bowling league for like a year.
Too funny.
I even ordered my very own purple bowling ball and
had the holes drilled for tiny fingers. hahahah
Just for fun though - I rarely broke 100 on my score card.
I agree - to much is just yucky.
24th Jul 2022 1:55am
I did a league for two years. I totally suck. But they give you a handicap score based on your first few games. So it can be competitive for all participants. So say my average is about 125 (probably true!), and the league average is 155, they gift you the +30 difference at the end of the evenings scores.
But, if you start playing above your average consistently (a ringer in the house, pretending to suck but is good), they take away your bonus accordingly.
But, if you start playing above your average consistently (a ringer in the house, pretending to suck but is good), they take away your bonus accordingly.
24th Jul 2022 2:07am
24th Jul 2022 10:12pm
24th Jul 2022 11:00pm
