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Image for the poem Borrower

Borrower's Rock


  
Our love arrived, on a turtle's back †
as we tossed the ball †
with our beach-gang friends †
It followed us †
as we walked to Mabel's store †
for a soda and smokes †
As our friends kicked sand †
and cursed our discovery †
†  
I remember you talking †
about all sorts of nothings †
While I all of the sudden †
saw you differently †
In those words of yours, was something †
†  
And you, the quick light †
in such grey moments †
asked "What?" †
I feigned deaf, and dumb †
And said "Oh, nothing" †
†  
But you, the bright light †
saw right through †
As I saw you being much more †
than yesterday's before †
And me, the worded one †
stopped and drew an exclamation point †
in the wet sand †
This is where we began †
†  
Let's leave them, you asked †
Let's go to the creek †
Cool off, in the spring water †
Start from scratch, without the salt †
†  
Did you know, how many times †
I kissed you, in my head †
Playing the scenario out †
trying to predict the "Perfect" †
as we made our way through the trees †
†  
But I wasn't even close †
Because that kiss cracked my ribs, inside out †
I tried to be graceful †
as my legs gave out †
-pulling you down †
in a mouthful, all at once †
†  
I would call it lovemaking †
Because it started inside out †
There, amongst the wild grass †
and unclaimed forest flowers †
we made a remembrance †
Although the grass will claim it back †
like it never happened †
†  
Yet, like lightning on a barely cloudy day †
something else happened †
In that bowing, of a polite sun †
When nature reminds us †
that humans follow a pattern too †
Something took hold, and grew †
†  
You knew, in a few weeks time †
Yet all I had to go on †
was your quiet smile †
The flames were still there †
but ebbed, like an evening tide †
Your eyes had the look †
of things lost †
Of hope given up †
†  
When finally you told me †
over tears and 4 a.m. cigarettes †
of why your belly hurt †
When you explained the why †
That how I probably †
didn't want to be tied down †
That men were all †
basically the same at my age †
No time for another life †
No energy, for new life †
†  
I held your hands in mine †
But my soul picked a piece †
of me inside, and let it step away †
It slipped slowly, quietly, away †
as you explained †
why I had no choices in this †
How your burdens shouldn't be mine †
†  
And so my shoulders shrank †
then and there †
I was less than two of us after all †
When we become singular again †
during our losses †
†  
Life begins at hope †
Therefore, it existed †
Yet brief, a flash of quiet lightning †
whitening a grey cloud †
And then everything is dark again †
†  
While hope is locked away again †
in a chest †
Maybe open in another year †
To think about the could've been †
†  
There was no right or wrong †
There is today and tomorrow †
There was plenty of room †
Hearts are made to expand †
It's the push and pull †
that drives us †
We are stronger by the days †
if you had tried †
†  
I can't tell you †
that you did the right thing †
Who can speak of fate †
When it picks it's own destiny †
All I know is that it isn't so hard †
when both of us take turns leading †
†  
Wild flowers that bloom †
in the forest, stay unheralded †
And the tide of the ocean †
will reclaim our footprints †
I know deep down, it's jealous †
We could've walked anywhere †
and leave it there, at its limits †
†  
And now, you've told me †
our limit too †
"Let's just stay us" †
†  
My only option was "okay" †
The sun was not polite †
It scowled my eyes †
so I looked down †
I took back my visions, from you †
†  
You know it's a quiet death for love †
when you don't feel it slip away †
It's slow, like a turtle's progress †
in the sand †
But it has so much to look forward to †
away from right here †
†  
That same turtle †
I put my foot on its back; †
More time, more time †
and then we can go from here †
Slow the day, build a fire †
shoot flaming arrows into the sun †
I'm not ready to dwell †
under the moon's concern †
†  
Burn us now, burn our sins †
Scorch these moments from earth †
Let the sea have our lives †
to wash them, in turbulence †
and we will pick them up again †
in the morning †
But we won't know each other †
so well, after all †
†  
There's a rock, in the waves †
Soon, it will be under †
The tide claims everything †
No, not a rock, it's a turtle †
not looking back for us †
And our time goes too †
Slow, hitching a ride †
on the back of that hope †
that we had barely borrowed. †
†  
†  
~~~ †
Written by Styxian
Published
Author's Note
Abortion always leaves a what if.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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