A Soft Breeze

Hahaha, of course you would give a man that type of a reaction. Tight on Lady

Thank you as always for the read and comment.  

I like the gentle sensuality in this, the feel of the breeze and the way skin responds to the stimulus.

Since you're open to honest critique, there are a few little things that would strengthen the poem in my mind:

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Thinking of you
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I don't think this line is necessary, the entirety of the piece says that you are thinking of this person, and I think that moving from hoping they're asleep so that you can run and play in their dreams without the break of "thinking of you" has more pop.

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Deep in the core of you
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For me, this would feel less passive, more impactful as "deep in your core"
It also alleviates some of the repetition of yous within the poem, and "your core" has a nice assonance

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I want you to become
Breathless for no reason
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There's just the tiniest suggestion I have for this, because I think "I want you to be breathless" vs "become breathless" is more direct, more immediate, so a bit more impactful... instead of wanting the person to start to be breathless or slide into breathlessness, you want to take their breath away.... boom! There you are, right in their head.

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Like a soft breeze
Making the hairs  
On your skin visibly rise
As if static electricity
Just sparked on your body.
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This is a comment I make often, because, in many cases I feel that "like" or "as if" and similar phrasing intrudes on imagery. I think if you can metaphor instead of simile, it really emphasizes the picture you're trying to paint. Don't be LIKE static electricity, BE that electricity, BE the breeze, if you can. I know omitting the like from the breeze phrase would disrupt your title. And, of course, this is all just food for thought, not corrections. Your poem is lovely, and your work should always feel like you on the page. :-)

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Thank you kindly paperstains for the read and your critique.  I made a couple of changes.  The changes make the write more personal and I like it.  

Oh, I'm so glad that your poem feels more personal for you now. It was my pleasure to play with your words a bit, and I'm pleased that you found my feedback helpful.

a lovely return

Thank you for your comment.  

Dear E,

For me, I saw this piece as a love spell. Not sure why exactly but I liked it as such. Subliminal but effective. Terrific energy which being in love typically ignites. Wonderful write. H🌷

Thank you Honoria for ypur comment.  I am honored.  

Makes one wish for the dream to be father of the deed.

Been a bit since I've written.  Thank you for your comment.  

Beautiful and heartbreaking.

Thank you for the recognition. It is important to me.

Hoi hoi
I believe it was @paperstains who coined the way skin response (?) to stimulus.
Goose bumps Is a response too.
Kind regards, Gus

Thank you for your comment.

This poem beautifully captures the longing and desire to be present in someone's thoughts and dreams. The imagery of a soft breeze subtly entering someone's consciousness is both gentle and impactful. The idea of leaving a trace of oneself in another's mind, causing them to feel breathless and electrified, is quite evocative. Overall, it's a tender expression of longing and the desire for connection.