deepundergroundpoetry.com
gnawing
9..5
heat has left the building and my work-break
tea has long been smuggled down my neck
thought i had lost the rest of me somewhere
that all and everything was worth an ear
but her voice in staccato is dotting around
celebrity court, some colleague drama, and
an ambling quest for hubby's fast track passport
in a world where bureaucracy has slowed
to that sneak my chameleon used to do
whilst trying
to look like
a leaf
could go for an Irish coffee maybe
forget the mindless droning whine
of tinnitus shooting signals thru this neurological
nightmare
fondle the washing instruction tag
on my cardigan's inner seam
and write down a dream I had
—-------
10..5
i dreamt
Eleanor came into my house
she broke my house
a husband or boyfriend broke up with a girl
they had a baby together
my birds were there
Eleanor broke in and stole my birds
hurt them
plucked all the feathers off my small one
and let them loose outside
where they would die of cold or by a larger bird
whomsoever else lived in this house
the girl
conspired with Eleanor
..
maybe this was not my house
..
the husband or boyfriend removed the conspirator
kept the baby
and i promptly
slept with him
we were together then
an old friend i don’t trust arrived
with a lukewarm acquaintance
they were close with the girl
whose family i just stole
and they were judging
me
but she let Eleanor injure my pets
and break my house
Published 17th May 2022
| Edited 26th May 2022
Author's Note
#experiment
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 6
comments 10
reads 524
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
17th May 2022 10:30pm
I love this. It’s such a direct line to the dark place of the psyche, the place in the mind where thoughts and feelings are most powerful. It’s a raw, relatively unfiltered mass, but that’s exactly why it’s beautiful, because the filter you have applied is art.
17th May 2022 10:31pm
I really felt this. I've been having the most random nightmares lately, so I can relate to that strange world that somehow feels real in the moment but you know doesn't make sense. Sometimes the real world doesn't make sense either.
Dear Jess
This is long. Your poetic bliss, has made for all I want to read today,
With reference to your wonderful artistic experiment, I am reminded of an old science enthusiast that once tried a science experiment. Anyway, he'd turn to his audience and ask "did it go?" or "it didn't go?" so to speak. In terms of your experiment, know that "it went!".. "it went!"..."ooooh and did it go!"
And we'll all stop for a moment in awe of this part...
"to that sneak my chameleon used to do
whilst trying
to look like
a leaf
"
That is art!
I always love the vocabulary in your poetic masterpieces and this is no exception, words such as "tinnitus", "staccato", just add a beautiful tone to the writing.
I particularly enjoyed the way, the first part 9/5 warned the reader that the narrator was about to write a dream, almost a prelude with some day time energy in it. It just makes for both pieces to mold together and well actually I think the preparation of that would be something I felt was special in the read. Then starting the second part with the short "I dreamt" is almost comforting to the reader, "oh she does write the dream" an immediate sigh!
For some reason, personal to myself (I think) I found myself trying to decipher the dream. Almost looking for the metaphors and meanings. It was quite weird how I naturally did that. Searching for who "Eleanor" is?
More than the imagery in the writing (which is masterful) the conjured images in my mind were like a shrooms trip. Not to delve too deeply into what dreams that other people have mean, because well its not my business. I had the same emotional melancholy on this poem as one I read recently, regarding bedrooms. It scared the shit out of me! I have so much to add to this comment, but frankly I don't think it ads value. So I'm leaving it at...
know that from a writing POV. From a Jesta poetry that we love POV, and from the experiment POV. This is magnificent and it goes down as a favorite poem of mine.
Wishing You Blue Skies For Your Birds
Al
This is long. Your poetic bliss, has made for all I want to read today,
With reference to your wonderful artistic experiment, I am reminded of an old science enthusiast that once tried a science experiment. Anyway, he'd turn to his audience and ask "did it go?" or "it didn't go?" so to speak. In terms of your experiment, know that "it went!".. "it went!"..."ooooh and did it go!"
And we'll all stop for a moment in awe of this part...
"to that sneak my chameleon used to do
whilst trying
to look like
a leaf
"
That is art!
I always love the vocabulary in your poetic masterpieces and this is no exception, words such as "tinnitus", "staccato", just add a beautiful tone to the writing.
I particularly enjoyed the way, the first part 9/5 warned the reader that the narrator was about to write a dream, almost a prelude with some day time energy in it. It just makes for both pieces to mold together and well actually I think the preparation of that would be something I felt was special in the read. Then starting the second part with the short "I dreamt" is almost comforting to the reader, "oh she does write the dream" an immediate sigh!
For some reason, personal to myself (I think) I found myself trying to decipher the dream. Almost looking for the metaphors and meanings. It was quite weird how I naturally did that. Searching for who "Eleanor" is?
More than the imagery in the writing (which is masterful) the conjured images in my mind were like a shrooms trip. Not to delve too deeply into what dreams that other people have mean, because well its not my business. I had the same emotional melancholy on this poem as one I read recently, regarding bedrooms. It scared the shit out of me! I have so much to add to this comment, but frankly I don't think it ads value. So I'm leaving it at...
know that from a writing POV. From a Jesta poetry that we love POV, and from the experiment POV. This is magnificent and it goes down as a favorite poem of mine.
Wishing You Blue Skies For Your Birds
Al
18th May 2022 8:09pm
Hmm. An interesting one. Here’s what I got.
For me, it came across as two separate periods of time. 9-5 being the standard working pattern (well at least it is here) and with the second half being 10-5 it’s almost like it’s an echo of that dreamscape in which time is meaningless.
The first half seems very much to speak of the mundanity of the working day. I think working in that kind of environment is really relatable for me… all that small talk and small space drama.
The second half is kinda explosive in that it explores how those people can creep into our dreamscape, and not always in good ways. So the whole thing becomes this dichotomy of the real and the abstract. Which is what I really liked about the piece. It doesn’t focus on one timeline — more so, explores the fact that there are worlds within worlds that we know nothing of. They only exist in the mind of the dreamer.
That’s what I got from the piece anyway. Just personal interpretation. This was one of the more interesting pieces I read today.
Thank you for sharing.
-M
For me, it came across as two separate periods of time. 9-5 being the standard working pattern (well at least it is here) and with the second half being 10-5 it’s almost like it’s an echo of that dreamscape in which time is meaningless.
The first half seems very much to speak of the mundanity of the working day. I think working in that kind of environment is really relatable for me… all that small talk and small space drama.
The second half is kinda explosive in that it explores how those people can creep into our dreamscape, and not always in good ways. So the whole thing becomes this dichotomy of the real and the abstract. Which is what I really liked about the piece. It doesn’t focus on one timeline — more so, explores the fact that there are worlds within worlds that we know nothing of. They only exist in the mind of the dreamer.
That’s what I got from the piece anyway. Just personal interpretation. This was one of the more interesting pieces I read today.
Thank you for sharing.
-M
19th May 2022 2:32am
“ in a world where bureaucracy has slowed
to that sneak my chameleon used to do
whilst trying” Loved this…
Interesting write and diction. Was a tad confused at times, but that’s ok.
Enjoyed…
to that sneak my chameleon used to do
whilst trying” Loved this…
Interesting write and diction. Was a tad confused at times, but that’s ok.
Enjoyed…
19th May 2022 9:49am
The title!
Yesterday, in my comments, I said "has made for all I want to read today", turns out there is more to that, so make it two days, I'm kinda stuck to reading and re-reading it. Which makes the title extremely apt! ;]
Yesterday, in my comments, I said "has made for all I want to read today", turns out there is more to that, so make it two days, I'm kinda stuck to reading and re-reading it. Which makes the title extremely apt! ;]
19th May 2022 11:34am
20th May 2022 5:59am
27th May 2022 5:28am
I love this all the way through and including the washing instruction tag.
So completely thorough with your descriptions. Solid writing, you.
It's complexity compelled me to read it thrice. And my appreciation tripled.
Good good stuff.
So completely thorough with your descriptions. Solid writing, you.
It's complexity compelled me to read it thrice. And my appreciation tripled.
Good good stuff.
28th May 2022 9:58pm
I love the sense of time and space in fragments about this, the blurred borders, the focused details, moving like wind over the waters of your mind and heart voice, lovely to contemplate, beautiful to feel and resonate from my perspective, word choices original and refreshing, the intimate address and feel of candor are the most engaging aspects. Hello and thank you for sharing with us.
Daniel
Daniel
