deepundergroundpoetry.com
a moment in pre-flight .
Walking through a quiet suburban street
you're on my mind, it's deep
not as dark as the asphalt
though it sticks like bitumen
There's a dog wagging it's tail
comes to greet, sniffing the hem
on my jeans
A bird lands on the solid white line
between stop and go
I look at the bird
The dog looks at the bird
as my mind was looking at you
the same desire, with the same instinct
the same taste, identical needs;
the dog, didn't touch a feather on that bird
It's all the same
The moment ends
I continued walking
-you, still tattooed in my thoughts
like the reflective paint line
running down hill
with enough adrenalin
to control traffic
and land birds
s a f e l y .
Published 2nd May 2022
| Edited 28th May 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 3
comments 7
reads 731
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
2nd May 2022 7:37pm
*scribbles out all the things in her notebook today and throws that shit in the air as the pages rain*
… well, fuck.
You do melancholy well, and this is evident here.
Can we just talk about that smooth rhyme in stanza one from ‘deep’ to ‘greet’ in stanza 2. They almost echo each other, and that was a joy. It really was.
The choice words here add impact. Tattooed for example, suggesting a permanent state.
I loved that clash of the quiet suburban street at the beginning to the traffic at the end. Almost seems like a perfect crescendo through the poem.
It was probably the “I miss you” sentiment in this, but all I could hear in my head at the time was one of my favourite tracks by Pixies called Daniel Boone. Has that same kind of atmosphere. Probably fresh in my mind because I’ve listened to it a lot lately. A side note, but still.
This is beautiful in a really modest way. I appreciated that about this one. Thank you.
-M
… well, fuck.
You do melancholy well, and this is evident here.
Can we just talk about that smooth rhyme in stanza one from ‘deep’ to ‘greet’ in stanza 2. They almost echo each other, and that was a joy. It really was.
The choice words here add impact. Tattooed for example, suggesting a permanent state.
I loved that clash of the quiet suburban street at the beginning to the traffic at the end. Almost seems like a perfect crescendo through the poem.
It was probably the “I miss you” sentiment in this, but all I could hear in my head at the time was one of my favourite tracks by Pixies called Daniel Boone. Has that same kind of atmosphere. Probably fresh in my mind because I’ve listened to it a lot lately. A side note, but still.
This is beautiful in a really modest way. I appreciated that about this one. Thank you.
-M
As I always say, nothing beats a great love poem, including the sad ones. Love the diction and imagery! This is so well written!
19th May 2022 2:21am
This is good stuff, through and through. I like narrative style (obviously) and this is a great example of why. Descriptive but not overly dressed. Perfect. The items you chose to be your examples were bulls-eyes.
Solid stuff.
Solid stuff.
Anonymous
7th Jun 2022 11:37pm
I came back for the video.
I was not disappointed.
🙃
I was not disappointed.
🙃
8th Jun 2022 3:05am
8th Jun 2022 5:17pm
I love what NorthernSoul got out of your poem especially. You draw the milieu with a gentle cadence, crisp focus of imagery, which hints and depths of feeling that have a wonderful nuance, love, loss, desire, the sense of animal instinct entwined with the human sense of time and distance, it's beautifully struck.
15th Jan 2023 6:17am
