little girl lost

 
inside the calm I'm trembling
wondering what they would think if they really knew me
I'm so different from the rest of my family
among their beautiful faces I stick out sorely
 
I am an awkward lady
I laugh too hard, I try too fiercely
they are kind and I am gentle too
but I have a dark side where anger grew
 
my childhood was painful losing my mom
rage burned in me I trusted no one
my tiny heart broke when she left me at a playground one day
I like to think it's all gone away
but the hurt shines brighter than love does
 
I try to connect and fail
I feel like a bad actor in a play called joy
to me it's just an illusion, a mirage
something I can see but not touch
 
I reach to my loved ones to pull them close
then watch as they fade because of lack of trust
I push them out I always do
one by one for getting too close to the truth
that I'm no good deep down
my mommy left that should be proof
 
inside my sacred vow
I am stoic, let no one close
I cry but you will never see
the little girl lost