The Voice

There has always been that dull
and numb pain.

There has always been that stupid
and incredibly annoying voice in my head.

Chanting the same things
over and over.

You aren't enough.
You aren't worthy.
You don't deserve any of this.
None of this happiness and love that people give you.

But I do.
I am enough, if not more than enough.
I am worthy.
I do deserve everything, all of this.
Right?

But that voice always comes back,
chanting harsh words, over and over again.

What if none of it is real?
What if they don't really love you?
What if they are just doing it to pity you?
To use you, just like the others?

This voice,
it never stops.
This pain,
that dull and numb pain,
it goes away eventually, but it always comes back like a wave,
leaving me crying and gasping for air.
Making me beg for all of this
pain and sadness
to just stop.
For the voice to stop.

I just want it to stop.
I just want that silence again.