Eighteen

 
wanted to rip off all
of my skin yesterday
triggered a memory
of fred and me
 
the time he and his mom
held me hostage, i was
more than a little drunk
but regardless…
 
he and i were fucking
i was riding on top but
i couldn’t stop picturing
him with that fkn slut
 
the chick that he
cheated on me with
the one who was
my last friend left
 
she was on top
of him instead
fuckin away like
rabbits in our bed
 
so i get off of him
and wanted to leave
start to tell him why
he starts yelling at me
 
i bolt for the window
bout to bust out the screen
but he grabs me by my shorts
ripping them, throwing me
 
back onto his bed
i jump up and try to run
but he traps me in his room
blocking the only door
 
he grabs and pushes me
flipping over his couch
i land on the floor
he pounces on top
 
he pins my arms hard
to the floor with his knees
i’m screaming out in pain
his large hand suddenly
 
covering my mouth
to force it closed
then with his other hand
he pinches my nose
 
so now i can’t breath
i’m really suffocating
struggling against him
rib cage spasming
 
he says i have to promise
not to scream again
he lets go of my face
but i fkn scream out again
 
eventually he gets off
of me, still berating
then his mom comes
to the door finally
 
by now it’s 4 in
the fuckin morning
but she says i’m not
allowed to leave yet
 
she doesn’t believe
everything i’ve just said
that her adult son
was being abusive
 
she says shame on me
for causing a scene
both talking about me
like i’m bat shit crazy
 
so i take my lit cigarette
and put it out on my thigh
this just makes them both
yell at me and ask why
 
i roll off the bed to hide
curl into a ball on the floor
dig my nails deep into
my forehead and pull
 
carving out skin that
won’t leave any the scars
so no one will ever know how
this teen girl survived him