tatters

 
my succor is sullen vigor  
I reach for wine but I'm given vinegar  
inside the marrow, sorrow  
my thoughts turn and I am shaken  
I cry to the heavens and the devil answers  
with a contemptuous song for all I stand for  
 
I am but a looking glass  
I peer into the shatter  
what matters to me most doesn't count, I am bitter  
force fed evil since I was a babe at my mom's breast  
I am gentleness forced to conform to darkness  
 
it's no wonder  
in my sacred haven I see the clouds forming  
I pray I am no coward  
when death deports me back to hell for more torture  
 
I am morose in my stead  
what ludicrous vision is heaven  
streets of gold paved by the backs of sinners  
I will reap more pain for my trouble  
 
kindness is for the weak  
my heart so tells me  
I am open with my soul I can't but help see its in shambles  
rejected by the congregation of my peers  
 
what God would have me?