dark days

It's a dark day
I take a long hot shower
wear my most comfortable clothes
drink decaf coffee
and listen to sad songs
but not the kind
that make you want to run
for the knife draw

I don't cry
not yet
the darkness isn't heavy enough
that'll come later
maybe
if I can't keep my maelstrom
of emotions at bay

I'm so angry I want to scream
I settle for smiling
kicking a soccor ball against a wall
and telling everyone I know
I've started back on antidepressants

It's tiring wearing the darkess alone
suffocating and relentless
I've spent a decade burying myself
for the comfort of others

I'm surprised how many people
also confess to taking meds
to keep their demons in line
leashed and quiet

It's like we're in a zoo of chaos
and all anyone can see is each other's
silence and fake smiles

It's a dark day
I dance around my lounge room
to sad songs
and pretend I feel something

I'm dancing
so maybe I do

There's a silver lining after all

© Indie Adams 2022