sighs and souls

 
I hurt awkwardly I laugh when I'm afraid
I smile when I want to cry
my soul sighs with a breath of relief
speaking a language of its own
whispering to a god I can't see
in a tongue I don't understand

I'm very critical
I catch myself sometimes
you know judging another?

I don't respond to human cues well, very often
and if I do, I do it in an odd way
though I don't realize it's odd until later
when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep and can't
because my soul's cinema is playing
reel to reel errors in judgement
responding to another soul a certain way
and not catching the look on their face until I'm lying in bed awake

I wonder then who is cuing the lights and extras
who is reviewing my mistakes with me
then I wonder who is pointing out my errors to me
my soul sighs silently

tonight will be a long one