Rest in peace /chaos

Life goes on as time goes by ...
My heart is so broken,  I just lay here and cry.    
My mind is so mixed up and im going insane...
 my hearts long been broken,  im no stranger to pain.  
Torn up on the inside,  I miss you my friend. I go thru the motions but I mostly pretend.  
I just don't understand it and it's not really fair.   I reach out in the darkness but there's no body there.  
Just blackness all around me and an emptiness so deep.  
I toss and turn here in this bed but I can't go to sleep.  
Nights are long and lonely and the days just fly right by..
If this happened for a reason. Then what's the reason why.  
My soul is filled w torment and  
Inside I feel such Shame.  
A part of me died with you and
I'll never be the same.  
How do I ease this torture that deep inside im going thru?
Lord help me im so lost here and I don't know what to do.  
How can I heal this heartache...
Or stop the voices in my head...
I gather strength thru weakness just to  
Force myself from bed.  
I wish so much that you were here ..
Sitting here with me ...  
I feel trapped inside this nightmare and im longing to be free.  
I lie here with the memories that I carry in my heart.  
And I pull myself together before I fall apart... yes life goes on.  .but it will never be the same.  
Give me strength and guidance please I ask in Jesus name.