Forgiveness, and other things…

When I’m silent, I’m in pain. If people want to leave my life by choice, then I keep moving forward as I don’t see the point in trying to convince someone to stay.      
       
I don’t think either of us have a choice so can we talk about this ?! Like, how much time do we have left ?! How much time do I have before it’s too late ?
 
We should talk about this, it’s what friends do, they talk about these kind of things, and they support one another. I’m here, if you need me, all you have to do is reach out.    
       
I want you to know that I forgive you.        
       
I’m not gonna lie, the realisation of the impending grief & loss triggers a stream of tears, and uncontrollable sobbing.      
     
When you close your eyes, I want you to take deep breaths and through visualisation, surround yourself in golden white light, streaming directly from source to cover you entirely.

Feel that light radiate and cover your entire being, and let it run through your veins, entering your bloodstream.      
       
I love you, and that’s all I know.      
       
If there was ever a time to be fearless, open and transparent, now is the time. Evidently, we don't have the luxury of time.        
       
You were my friend before we blurred the lines, so of course the revelation hurts. My mind and heart is haemorrhaging, torn asunder; you’ve no idea !

I wanna get on a plane but I’ve no idea where I’m going. Um. That sounds a smidgen insane but that’s my impulsivity emerging, I’m in a state of distress. I think I need to go out and drive into the middle of nowhere, and have a good scream & cry.        
       
I’m so conflicted, I can’t stop crying. I love you dearly, and I would make time to come and see you but I’ve no idea where to go ?!        
       
God, is a callous bastard ! You’ll probably hate me for saying that but it’s true. He’s not just a callous bastard he’s every cuss word under the fucking sun right now.        
       
Sighs. I’m shattered, and can’t see past all the tears at the moment for the shattering is soul deep, my heart is faint.  
       
You will always be a better man than anyone that ever put you down ! I love you… xoxo