Some things, are way too risky…

There’s a fine line when it comes to who you surround yourself with, and who you build your life with.  
   
An addict will always be an addict. I was an addict but haven’t relapsed for well over 20 something years.    
   
With an adult child who’s moved out to pursue his life, and another on the cusp of becoming an adult, it’s imperative I think twice before running head first into the great unknown.    
   
I’ve worked too hard and can’t afford to get myself involved with someone who’s capable of bending me to his will because I’m addicted to him as he weakens me, and I’m unable to say no to him. That’s usually how things unfold.    
   
I owe that to my children, and the will to never expose them to such. However, the risk is always there, depending upon the company I keep.    
   
I don’t know what I don’t know, and I’m not willing to take that risk. Love, can make people do crazy things, crazy things that could be detrimental.    
   
I’m no longer young & dumb, however, I’m susceptible to doing crazy things in the wrong company but as I’ve grown older, I’ve learnt to curb my impulsivity.    
   
I can easily become addicted to a person, and lose myself, I kinda went there with you and realise the risks. Our love was grand but I’m also cognisant that we both have our own demons to battle.    
   
I’m not willing to fall down that hole of addiction with you.    
   
I just can’t live that kind of lifestyle when I’ve worked so hard to elicit natural highs from travelling, and exploring places that leave me awestruck.    
   
I can’t help you, if we’re not on the same page.    
   
Because, I won’t be able get back up, without tearing shreds off of you. So. It’s better this way. I want better things, than to lose my career, and fall down a hole with you.    
   
I wasn’t destined to live that kind of lifestyle.    
   
I could’ve shown you a different lifestyle but I’ve no idea where your head is at most of the time but I suspect it’s fully immersed indulging in self medicating behaviours.    
   
Its hard to build with someone who's still stuck in that mode, and isn’t open & transparent. Maybe, we’re better off as friends. You give me no insight and clarity, only ambiguity.    
   
I’m not willing to lose my integrity, sanity and life to relapse, and fall down that ditch again. I learn from my mistakes, and I’m not willing to take that risk. Sorry.    
   
I love you but sometimes love isn’t enough when it comes to risky behaviours that could ruin my life. I know, I’m being selfish but I will always choose me before you, when it comes to these kind of matters.  
 
I won’t choose you, and that kind of lifestyle, at the expense of losing myself and several decades of hard work. I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from.  
 
Just look at the way we get when we orbit one another’s universe; we’re crazy, and love makes people do crazy things. I’m crazy but not that crazy to be unable to discern the risk, and the loss of my life, sanity & livelihood if I relapse.  
 
I’m a hopeless wanderer, and I’m OK to wander the world, on my own.