Mother Dear

I am walking towards a door I wish I didn't have to open
Dormant feelings are now being painfully awoken
And just why? For years no words were spoken
Death knocks and suddenly love is used as a token
To restart a busted machine that should remain broken
 
No hate in my heart as I don't care for that burden as I know its heavy
Engaging in give and take always leaves me with the damn unaffordable levy
I pay in heartache and disappointment and for now I am going steady
I find the grim reaper knocking just when I am not ready
 
I don't have the choice of opening the door or not as this is fate
I played with time like it was my best mate
Always saying later and never clearing the plate
Now its a matter of not having the time to make things straight  
 
Miles apart with restrictions in place
I try to hide the pain but it shows on my face  
I hate you so much but I long for your embrace
I never wanted you dead I just needed distance I needed space
 
Nothing will change what we are to each other but death and its here
I find it sickening that it doesn't make me want to be near
I think becoming you was my biggest fear
I wasted years resenting you making you shed tears  
With death knocking now I have to admit to myself that I love you mother dear.