deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Unknown
If I could see what was waiting would I still walk this path? Or
would I trample dreams in solemn ground or
enjoy every breath?
I would roll the die and gamble faiths,
but the pessimist is too strong.
I'm not the willing, nor the wanting,
but the need for resolution.
Grant me the mind of the humble shrew
whose hunger doesn't devour him.
For my digging thoughts dig ever more,
and lose me in the dark.
So I walk towards the unknown,
faithless.
would I trample dreams in solemn ground or
enjoy every breath?
I would roll the die and gamble faiths,
but the pessimist is too strong.
I'm not the willing, nor the wanting,
but the need for resolution.
Grant me the mind of the humble shrew
whose hunger doesn't devour him.
For my digging thoughts dig ever more,
and lose me in the dark.
So I walk towards the unknown,
faithless.
Published 23rd Feb 2012
| Edited 8th Apr 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Feb 2012 12:54pm
was the path we strode on and unknown will be the path we stride on...good read, MrAlptraum.
6th Apr 2012 2:18pm
I don't think anyone is completely faithless. Or maybe I'm confusing that with hope. Regardless if we have faith in a higher power or not, no one knows what they are walking into tomorrow. If we knew certain outcomes, we'd do things differently for sure, but where would the fun in that be?
A thought provoking write. :)
A thought provoking write. :)
6th Apr 2012 3:04pm
Faith in this context is referring to religion. Of course everyone has some faith in something, or what would be the point in anything?
To know certain outcomes in life like what happens when you die could be beneficial and have an effect on the way you lived.
Thanks for the comment. :)
To know certain outcomes in life like what happens when you die could be beneficial and have an effect on the way you lived.
Thanks for the comment. :)
I really like this and I really like your style. I've got to go all Inception on your library and go deeper.
If you are looking for critique there were a few little things that jumped out at me. But if you meant them the way they are just say so and I will turn off the suggestions:
It may have been intentional but I think you may have misspelled "dye" on line 4. If you meant one of a pair of dice it's singular form is "die."
The non-capitalized "i" was getting to me but that's just one of my personal quirks.
I think the break on line 2 should be before the "or," meaning that "or" should be part of the next line.
I think you changed tenses in the last line when you used "will." I think it would move better if you took it out.
*end of critique/suggestions*
I love faith based worked, especially the questioning of such. I am a fan, sir.
If you are looking for critique there were a few little things that jumped out at me. But if you meant them the way they are just say so and I will turn off the suggestions:
It may have been intentional but I think you may have misspelled "dye" on line 4. If you meant one of a pair of dice it's singular form is "die."
The non-capitalized "i" was getting to me but that's just one of my personal quirks.
I think the break on line 2 should be before the "or," meaning that "or" should be part of the next line.
I think you changed tenses in the last line when you used "will." I think it would move better if you took it out.
*end of critique/suggestions*
I love faith based worked, especially the questioning of such. I am a fan, sir.
8th Apr 2012 7:56am
Just looked over it and you're right. Fortunately it's ok as this was an early poem when I didn't really know what I was doing.
The "die" is of course how it should be.
If I was to re-write it now it would be composed totally different.
The tense change was intentional, but I'll have a look.
Many of my poems have faith references, spirituality is intriguing to me. Glad you say the mistakes. Thanks for your eyes and reading.
The "die" is of course how it should be.
If I was to re-write it now it would be composed totally different.
The tense change was intentional, but I'll have a look.
Many of my poems have faith references, spirituality is intriguing to me. Glad you say the mistakes. Thanks for your eyes and reading.
