I have No Clue@

So I'm going to leave this earth and hop over many of planets
Looking for one answer, I don't expect you to understand this
Been through to much as a kid, witnessing hells wind, loss of fake friends
Here we go again, life's throwing in so much trash, inside my head I'm at the peak of a personality clash
And its not helping when relationship problems are a drag
But I plan to kick back, life is not going to hold me down I been to through to much for that, in fact
I've seen to many things that make some eyes bleed, or dreams that would leave you without a speech
Or ability to try to tell someone whats happening to me
But reality is reality survive today or tomorrow meet your fatality
Trying to find new friends is fucking nonsense
I would rather be going back to my zombie antic eating raw flesh
I like being by myself, since back then I was the only one there for me to help
You either do for self, or get left in hell//
It gets cold as the ice age, I mean.. look at my heart has not beat for days
I left old memory's to rott in the haze and day by day I forget why I even smiled then
I am in a state mind condition that most outcasts live in
Depression, full on, my next move will prove if Im still a human or infected
Cause the sickness has ate half of my brain, sometimes I wish I could change
But life is not that way, I sit, think in my brain waves
Kind of deep, as I try to sleep, lack of it from stress from every week
I have no release writing poems just dont work with these
Problems, that stack up past my knees
Is this a disease or am I just asleep
illusion dream that I cant wake up from
But I will know when Im dead and gone
If I go before you please read every word on my songs
I bleeding trying to tell you im holding on
Suicides for jokes, carrying the weight of the world though
Is another case that I have yet to unfold
Welcome to my mind as I leave
Will I ever return? We will see