deepundergroundpoetry.com
In the Dark, Before Coffee
awake
never slowly,
just suddenly aware;
Pain greets me
with a rough kiss,
missing my mouth
completely,
brushing my neck, instead;
Morning rolls over,
incensed at the intrusion,
huffing under her breath;
I sigh to the shadows,
why must it always be this way
between us?
arguing with 5 am is useless
but I do it anyway -
Sleep hates the conflict,
slipping away to hide;
I won’t see him again today
although I know he will lurk
quietly around every corner,
he’s an old jealous lover
who doesn’t really want me,
he just doesn’t want anyone else
to have me
funny, the way my mind
always wants to paint love
or hate into every picture;
makes me wonder
if the human condition
is really just a constant state
of wanting the things
we can’t seem to find,
of grieving for things
that were never ours
my thoughts race ahead of me,
a continuous asphalt track
running in congested circles,
greyhounds chasing fake rabbits -
exhausting themselves
not knowing they’ll never
catch the damn thing they’re after -
the game’s always been rigged,
but anything (everything) looks
close enough to the real deal
when you’re never allowed
to get quite close enough
to tell the difference,
when you’ve been trained
to take off at breakneck speed
at the pop of anything
that sounds like gunfire
I digress, and for that
I must apologize;
I am rarely in control
of my meandering mind,
but even less so
in the dark, before coffee
doesn’t seem to matter
how close the race,
your face is always
the top contender,
edging forward
with fierce determination,
like sunlight beaming
its warmth
to the forest floor,
encouraging dead stumps
to bring forth life;
every long-gone thing
will tell you it’s hard to grow
in the shadows of those
who’ve already tried it
and never succeeded
in reaching the canopy,
but I cling to the hope I find
buried deep in words read
before my eyes were
fully open,
compelling me to turn
the soil, just a bit
to see if we can’t get
something green to appear
once again
never slowly,
just suddenly aware;
Pain greets me
with a rough kiss,
missing my mouth
completely,
brushing my neck, instead;
Morning rolls over,
incensed at the intrusion,
huffing under her breath;
I sigh to the shadows,
why must it always be this way
between us?
arguing with 5 am is useless
but I do it anyway -
Sleep hates the conflict,
slipping away to hide;
I won’t see him again today
although I know he will lurk
quietly around every corner,
he’s an old jealous lover
who doesn’t really want me,
he just doesn’t want anyone else
to have me
funny, the way my mind
always wants to paint love
or hate into every picture;
makes me wonder
if the human condition
is really just a constant state
of wanting the things
we can’t seem to find,
of grieving for things
that were never ours
my thoughts race ahead of me,
a continuous asphalt track
running in congested circles,
greyhounds chasing fake rabbits -
exhausting themselves
not knowing they’ll never
catch the damn thing they’re after -
the game’s always been rigged,
but anything (everything) looks
close enough to the real deal
when you’re never allowed
to get quite close enough
to tell the difference,
when you’ve been trained
to take off at breakneck speed
at the pop of anything
that sounds like gunfire
I digress, and for that
I must apologize;
I am rarely in control
of my meandering mind,
but even less so
in the dark, before coffee
doesn’t seem to matter
how close the race,
your face is always
the top contender,
edging forward
with fierce determination,
like sunlight beaming
its warmth
to the forest floor,
encouraging dead stumps
to bring forth life;
every long-gone thing
will tell you it’s hard to grow
in the shadows of those
who’ve already tried it
and never succeeded
in reaching the canopy,
but I cling to the hope I find
buried deep in words read
before my eyes were
fully open,
compelling me to turn
the soil, just a bit
to see if we can’t get
something green to appear
once again
Published 14th Sep 2020
| Edited 15th Sep 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 14
reading list entries 7
comments 18
reads 273
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
14th Sep 2020 8:06pm
I keep coming back to this wanting to think of something to say. but all i can think to say is...i so get this. and that ache, that complete grief, of wanting something green in the desert is something that takes a very long time to get through. i'm not sure i have.
14th Sep 2020 8:59pm
Thank you. I've been thinking all morning how I wanted to reply to this since RL'ing it. I should shadow you more often! LOL!
14th Sep 2020 9:12pm
Thank you both, so much. Sometimes it’s hard to define an emotion like loss; I’m glad you both understood 💖💖.
14th Sep 2020 9:33pm
i'm nominating this for Poem of the Month! unless you'd rather I didn't, and then i'll go remove my nomination!
14th Sep 2020 9:44pm
Anonymous
- Edited 15th Sep 2020 00:02am
15th Sep 2020 00:01am
I need to get my eyes checked. Or drink some coffee. I thought you were arguing with Sam. And when he started lurking and not wanting anyone else to have you, I was getting very alarmed. And then when I finished and was like, Where the heck did Sam go?! I realized it was 5am.
15th Sep 2020 00:16am
15th Sep 2020 3:20am
Dear L,
Loss and grief are almost intangible but for the ache and stabbing pains in my chest and constant lurching of my stomach. Unless of course, it’s the crazed manic thoughts in my head. I very much admired and appreciated the twists and turns of thoughts throughout the poem. It’s exactly how the mind works trying to process grief and sadness. Something green does and will grow but boy oh boy it sure does take its time. Stellar piece as usual my friend. Absolutely stellar!! H🌷
Loss and grief are almost intangible but for the ache and stabbing pains in my chest and constant lurching of my stomach. Unless of course, it’s the crazed manic thoughts in my head. I very much admired and appreciated the twists and turns of thoughts throughout the poem. It’s exactly how the mind works trying to process grief and sadness. Something green does and will grow but boy oh boy it sure does take its time. Stellar piece as usual my friend. Absolutely stellar!! H🌷
15th Sep 2020 2:33pm
Dearest Honoria, thank you 💖. I’ve read that ache in your words as well and I just knew you’d understand what I was trying to say, even if I wasn’t sure myself.
15th Sep 2020 2:26pm
Nature proves that even the smallest twig can burst through the cement, so you are on your way. Use your freedom to fly. Peace. oral
15th Sep 2020 2:34pm
15th Sep 2020 4:35pm
15th Sep 2020 5:14pm
17th Sep 2020 4:23am
The technique here is organically rendered. The intimate address of morning, like a companion, greyhounds chasing fake rabbits, gorgeous metaphor, oscillating naturally into diatribe with it's haunting confessional and a bit of scene description to fill out details. It's all so harmoniously fluid. I've been going over it now a while and enjoying it's voice.
17th Sep 2020 4:37am
Thank you, Daniel 💜. Your words are always so kind. I woke to beautiful words from a dear love and my muse woke rather sleepily. I’m grateful for it.
17th Sep 2020 4:44am
It always is and remains my pleasure, milady. We understand each other.
20th Sep 2020 8:50am
Damn the stressing cut-outs that linger, becoming part of the setting, ghost fingers
20th Sep 2020 9:01pm
