deepundergroundpoetry.com
WHAT DID YOU GAIN?
WHAT DID YOU GAIN?
Soldier, who is stained with blood,
you or that who sent you there?
You kill those whom you don't know.
How can you such an act bear?
You sometimes are sent abroad
to attack who are at home,
and return with esteemed hands;
can that with your mind conform?
Don't you think that you killed some
who are dear to their poor kin?
Just a question l ask you
what did you by that act gain?
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Soldier, who is stained with blood,
you or that who sent you there?
You kill those whom you don't know.
How can you such an act bear?
You sometimes are sent abroad
to attack who are at home,
and return with esteemed hands;
can that with your mind conform?
Don't you think that you killed some
who are dear to their poor kin?
Just a question l ask you
what did you by that act gain?
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 30th Aug 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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30th Aug 2020 10:59pm
Right off the bat you make a mess of things.
Soldier, who is stained with blood,
you or that who sent you there?
This is incomprehensible. And that's not only because the second line ends in wholesale deixis (where is the "there" you speak of?), but because the question you are asking is garbled. "you ... who sent you there?" is unintelligible and "that who sent you there?" makes no sense What is it that you want to know from the soldier you are addressing?
Soldier, who is stained with blood,
you or that who sent you there?
This is incomprehensible. And that's not only because the second line ends in wholesale deixis (where is the "there" you speak of?), but because the question you are asking is garbled. "you ... who sent you there?" is unintelligible and "that who sent you there?" makes no sense What is it that you want to know from the soldier you are addressing?
31st Aug 2020 12:26pm
The real question is: What are you trying to say with these lines?
"Soldier, who is stained with blood,
you or that who sent you there?"
I'd also like to know how you think this seven syllable line (with its awkward inversion) is to be scanned. Where do the stresses fall?
How can you such an act bear?
To my eyes, it reads either
HOW can you SUCH an act BEAR
or
How CAN you such an ACT BEAR?
Either way is clunky and hardly rhythmical.
"Soldier, who is stained with blood,
you or that who sent you there?"
I'd also like to know how you think this seven syllable line (with its awkward inversion) is to be scanned. Where do the stresses fall?
How can you such an act bear?
To my eyes, it reads either
HOW can you SUCH an act BEAR
or
How CAN you such an ACT BEAR?
Either way is clunky and hardly rhythmical.
Oh soldier with such mounting blood
upon your hands,
who was it sent you here
to land that is my home
to kill those whom you do not know
and to regard them as great foes,
the “enemy”
deserving death?
I know, I know.
Whoever that it was
is meaningless.
For you are one who took an oath,
who’s duty bound,
to follow orders given you
even if it ends in genocide.
The goal’s to win
by any means.
But Nuremberg has shown
excuses such as this
do not abide
within morality,
and cannot serve as absolution of
one’s war made sins.
upon your hands,
who was it sent you here
to land that is my home
to kill those whom you do not know
and to regard them as great foes,
the “enemy”
deserving death?
I know, I know.
Whoever that it was
is meaningless.
For you are one who took an oath,
who’s duty bound,
to follow orders given you
even if it ends in genocide.
The goal’s to win
by any means.
But Nuremberg has shown
excuses such as this
do not abide
within morality,
and cannot serve as absolution of
one’s war made sins.
7th Sep 2020 2:09am
There are also those who enlist because they have no intention of coming back.....they are suicidal : they will die on the battlefield like heroes. The will not kill themselves at home.
Thank you very much for your kind comment. I agree with you. They are all very strange people. They don't see that life itself is very short. They want to make it shorter for those whom they don't know and for themselves. They are very strange people. Thank you again Robert.
