deepundergroundpoetry.com
Walden Two.
Enclosures were made, but we
cannot leave Nature out: growths
are mercurial beings, they can
show us benefit, or malignancy,
by their constructions: timber-
framed houses, ranch and Cape,
force the wetlands in defensive
positions. So if a buck-deer is
viewed by chance, he becomes
an obstacle the surveyor never
saw, while drawing up forecasts
by the rules of square, and line.
cannot leave Nature out: growths
are mercurial beings, they can
show us benefit, or malignancy,
by their constructions: timber-
framed houses, ranch and Cape,
force the wetlands in defensive
positions. So if a buck-deer is
viewed by chance, he becomes
an obstacle the surveyor never
saw, while drawing up forecasts
by the rules of square, and line.
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likes 5
reading list entries 3
comments 11
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Walden Two.
8th Jun 2020 2:13pm
Wow, it reads like a thriller Sartoris, have you ever thought of writing a prose based on a premise like this?
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Re: Re. Walden Two.
8th Jun 2020 8:40pm
Thank you, that's a powerful reaction! I want to branch out in prose, by essays or narratives, though I've been unsure of sustaining a long-form work. Maybe once I've joined a writer's group, or class, as I've considered for awhile.
Re: Re. Walden Two.
8th Jun 2020 11:15pm
I actually enjoy writing prose more than poetry. I find it much more expandable and forgiving unlike the more constrained rules of poems in general.
Also, because prose is more than a poem but shorter than a story you can elaborate as much as you like and then stop before going further tackling rules of story writing.
You should give a try and see if you like it.
Also, because prose is more than a poem but shorter than a story you can elaborate as much as you like and then stop before going further tackling rules of story writing.
You should give a try and see if you like it.
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Re: Re. Walden Two.
9th Jun 2020 1:02pm
Writing prose is freer, so I understand that preference. Yet that's why I haven't pursued it (Haha.) I'm not a technician, yet, so simple rules actually spur me; because they require my flexibility, and intuition. If still long process... But suspect I'll go mad, when trying to understand stress and metre!
I actually thought by 'prose,' you meant writing a short story. Did you mean like a prose poem, rather; are there examples by writers you recommend for inspiration? On-site, or in books.
I actually thought by 'prose,' you meant writing a short story. Did you mean like a prose poem, rather; are there examples by writers you recommend for inspiration? On-site, or in books.
Re: Re. Walden Two.
10th Jun 2020 00:17am
Prose is a bit different than short story.
It has elements of poetry, like rhythm and tempo, yet its more elaborate as in descriptive with adjectives and also the freedom of using adverbs and propositions.
A short story needs an outline and the way the character(s) are introduced keeping the momentum to not lose the audience. It doesn't need to have any kind of lyrical rhythm or how words are used to enhance one another, you basically have to tell the story effectively.
I do have a prose, At the moment its hidden, It's called "Patterns' I will make it available if you're interested in checking it out.
I'm not sure who else here at Du tackles in Prose..but if i find a good writer I'll drop their name.
It has elements of poetry, like rhythm and tempo, yet its more elaborate as in descriptive with adjectives and also the freedom of using adverbs and propositions.
A short story needs an outline and the way the character(s) are introduced keeping the momentum to not lose the audience. It doesn't need to have any kind of lyrical rhythm or how words are used to enhance one another, you basically have to tell the story effectively.
I do have a prose, At the moment its hidden, It's called "Patterns' I will make it available if you're interested in checking it out.
I'm not sure who else here at Du tackles in Prose..but if i find a good writer I'll drop their name.
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Re. Walden Two.
10th Jun 2020 11:07pm
The message here is so potent, line by line, that I have to call it revelatory. A word I very rarely use in a critique. The way you describe nature, the wetland huddled in defensive posture, the living essence of the deer rendered into a mere obstacle for the surveyor. I love where you open with the observation of nature as mercurial. Some things salve, others poison, but the whole is the environment that we have sullied with our obtuse expansion. Incredible work.
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Re: Re. Walden Two.
13th Jun 2020 10:35pm
Thank you, so much, Daniel! Living in an old, suburban neighborhood I find it amazing how there are pockets of 'resistance.' Areas where a creek still runs; small, dense clusters of trees. Though we don't see deer in mine, I know areas where they can be; and it leaves me wondering about the wildlife in 'semi-captivity.'
Re: Re. Walden Two.
14th Jun 2020 4:08am
I hear you. I remember living in New York, a trees roots lifting the concrete slabs around it. We can only beat back nature from our cities for so long. It will reclaim all in the fullness of time.
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Re. Walden Two.
Tercets are my favorite form of stanza, and I really enjoy the enjambments you have going here! But mostly, I enjoyed both the literal and metaphorical meaning. Man does invade the wild an inch at a time, and what was once natural, then becomes an obstacle to progress.
This is really brilliant.
This is really brilliant.
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Re: Re. Walden Two.
5th Jul 2020 10:20pm
Very glad you enjoyed it, A.! This one's a personal favorite. I'm unsure why, but there's an odd satisfaction writing in clusters of three (Haha.) Though I wish to break the habit. And thank you! It's become second nature. Completing a sentence at line-ends feels weird . . .
Re: Re. Walden Two.
5th Jul 2020 10:21pm