Bewitched On Mars

Bewitched On Mars  

     Doug asks Rowena, “Have you been to the moon?”  
     Ro replies, “Yes, I have. My hocus pocus can take me just about anywhere. But I’ve never been to Mars.”  
     Doug asks, “What stopped you?”  
     Ro replies, “There are rumors among our coven of interlopers from other star systems who have settled there. Some of them may feel encroached upon by visitors. Hence our head witch has forbidden that planet from our travel itinerary.”  
     Doug says, “I’ve always wanted to see Mars. Could you take me?”  
     Ro replies, “One nose twitch is all it takes.”  
     Doug suddenly wonders if it is safe. Ro says, “Don’t you trust my powers? Remember when I took you flying alongside a jet plane? With just a twitch of my nose, you’ll get a head start over NASA as the first mortal on Mars.”  
     Doug says, “It is cold there and the air is thin. How will you protect us from the elements?”  
    Ro replies, “Leave that to me. I will cast a supernatural field of energy to keep us healthy. All is taken care of my love.”  
     Rowena leads Doug just below the rim of the Martian Grand Canyon, Noctis Labyrinthus. Their feet sink into the sand and Doug complains the sand is cold on his bare feet.  She warms up the protective membrane that protects them from the 200 degrees below 0 temperature. They leave a trail of air bubbles behind them. A man from a stranded UFO tracks them with intentions of a surprise assault on their protective magic bubble. When he beholds Rowena’s beauty his plans are rearranged for teatime with them in his crash-landed flying saucer.  
     He surprises Rowena and Doug with an invitation for a social visit. He tells them they can relax their artificial atmosphere while in his spaceship. Doug is apprehensive about trusting the astronaut but Rowena tells Doug her second sense detects the spaceman’s truthfulness. But she withholds her sense of the alien’s being attracted to her. Her curiosity overcomes the strange man’s ulterior motives. Perhaps conversation will reveal his intentions as well as what brought him here. If he is a threat to earth she will find out before his nefarious plans come into fruition. Perhaps this will be in time for her coven to cast a spell on him to make peace not war. Flirtation may be better than interrogation for him to let slip his secrets.  
     Doug expresses his anxiety about trusting this alien. “Honey, how do we know he isn’t like some Hollywood extraterrestrial ready to trounce us on a dime?”  
     Ro says, “I already withdrew our witch skin since we boarded the flying saucer.”  
     Doug says, “You didn’t ask my permission first. You are naive.”  
     Ro tells Doug, “Fortunately our host doesn’t understand English but my universal witch translator allows me to communicate with him. Nevertheless, it behooves you to mind your manners because it doesn’t take English proficiency to pick up your vocal tones that are glaringly obvious to our friend the Betelgeusian ambassador. In the interest of diplomacy cool your jets, Doug.”  
     Doug replies, “He is a bipedal locomotor. We have that in common.”  
     Ro says, “Listen, he has a thing for me. We can use that to our advantage. He is a blather mouth. I know the type. He’ll spill the beans if he plans a foray on earth just by my charm.”  
     Doug replies, “This will be just like when you enchanted me into revealing my secret love of miniature golf when I thought you’d consider it childish.”  
     Ro says, “Precisely, Now hush and let me get to work.” She addresses the green man, “Sir, You are so handsome. Your slender thorax and bug eyes are my dreams come true in a man. Earthlings are so ordinary while your mandibles are so cute.”      
     The alien replies, “If my species is sexy then why do I find you so attractive? While my exoskeleton is hard your skin is soft and beautiful.”  
      Ro replies, “Tell me sweet astronaut from a distant star, once your spacecraft is up and running where will be your next destination?”  
     He says, “My only desire is to settle on this red planet with you and make babies.”  
     Ro replies, “Surely you realize that we can’t have children together. Our mating apparatuses are so different that conception would be impossible. Besides your jagged poker would hurt me.”  
     The alien says, “We Betelgeusians also use what you earthlings call rubbers that would soften my protuberance.”  
     Ro replies, “Still your geometry would stretch my limits. Sorry to let you down.”  
     The alien says, “Alas, I am doomed to be alone in this spacecraft that can never take me home.”  
     Ro replies, “I can send you home. Just trust me. Tell me your star system and I will whoosh you there with the twitch of my nose.”  
      The alien replies, “Look here on my star chart. Betelgeuse is where my heart pines for.”  
      Ro sends our sentient insect on his way and we follow in suit landing in our living room on earth. Doug says, “Ro, let’s not go space faring anymore. One small step for man is enough.”  
     Ro replies, “Since Mars was off-limits for my kind I was the first woman on the red planet. We can keep a secret. But if I ever make eyes at any creature other than our cat again take away my weekly facials for a month.”