deepundergroundpoetry.com
Acrobatic Heart
Waiting always waiting
This acrobatic heart
Will not calm
Will not calm
Starting to believe
I am half a heart
The other piece
Belongs to you
A half way house
Not quite a home
Without your boots
By the open door
His beige and grey
Needs your colours
To wash away sadness
On these paper walls
Mop up the tears
Hang up a new smile
Clear the dust
Put your love in place
To eventually ground
This acrobatic heart
Give me the safety net
Of your arms
This acrobatic heart
Will not calm
Will not calm
Starting to believe
I am half a heart
The other piece
Belongs to you
A half way house
Not quite a home
Without your boots
By the open door
His beige and grey
Needs your colours
To wash away sadness
On these paper walls
Mop up the tears
Hang up a new smile
Clear the dust
Put your love in place
To eventually ground
This acrobatic heart
Give me the safety net
Of your arms
Published 19th Jan 2020
| Edited 20th Jan 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 3
comments 7
reads 682
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
19th Jan 2020 1:35pm
19th Jan 2020 6:12pm
Your heart is steadfast and determined, AP. You could publish a book of these poems. I know you have requested friendly feedback; however, when reading it was smooth until this stanza:
[The] beige and grey
Needs [the colours of you]
To wash away [the] sadness
On these paper walls
I suggest personifying the heart, and trimming a bit for flow by saying;
His beige and grey
Needs your colours
To wash away sadness
On these paper walls
A lovely, genuine verse.
[The] beige and grey
Needs [the colours of you]
To wash away [the] sadness
On these paper walls
I suggest personifying the heart, and trimming a bit for flow by saying;
His beige and grey
Needs your colours
To wash away sadness
On these paper walls
A lovely, genuine verse.
19th Jan 2020 6:17pm
Anonymous
19th Jan 2020 7:46pm
While I enjoy the acrobat metaphor, i am mostly struck by this stanza:
"A half way house
Not quite a home
The door is open
Put your stamp on it"
It is very remarkable; the heart of the poem in my opinion.
But I feel "Put your stamp on it" doesn't do it enough justice. I would suggest something like
"A half way house
Not quite a home
Without your boots
By the open door"
or
"A half way house
Not quite a home
Let me take your coat
Please join me for dinner"
"A half way house
Not quite a home
The door is open
Put your stamp on it"
It is very remarkable; the heart of the poem in my opinion.
But I feel "Put your stamp on it" doesn't do it enough justice. I would suggest something like
"A half way house
Not quite a home
Without your boots
By the open door"
or
"A half way house
Not quite a home
Let me take your coat
Please join me for dinner"
20th Jan 2020 6:52am
20th Jan 2020 1:58pm
The beauty of finding comfort in another's arms.As always your poems are calming to me.
I have always valued what you write AP.
I have always valued what you write AP.
20th Jan 2020 3:27pm
Never thought my spills were calming, a surprising thought, thank you for your kind comment
