deepundergroundpoetry.com
My Demon
This demon in me
Is no dormant creature
If it exists at all
Then he lives through whispers
Like secret messages
Tapped over the airwaves
The words pulse
Straight to my brain
He knows my weakness
Constant reminders of failure
There’s no peaceful retreat
From the mental assault
In nightmares
I see the glint in red eyes
The glint of cold hard steel
About to slice skin
I’m sure if I bled
That would never be enough
A slow torturous death
His only satisfaction
I’m the number he calls
Promising relief from the noise
A broken joker
He feds his lies to
Needs my pain
Wants me to beg
Crawl for mercy
His game his rules
Just the puppet
To his sick fantasy
A blackened soul
Who loves misery
Is no dormant creature
If it exists at all
Then he lives through whispers
Like secret messages
Tapped over the airwaves
The words pulse
Straight to my brain
He knows my weakness
Constant reminders of failure
There’s no peaceful retreat
From the mental assault
In nightmares
I see the glint in red eyes
The glint of cold hard steel
About to slice skin
I’m sure if I bled
That would never be enough
A slow torturous death
His only satisfaction
I’m the number he calls
Promising relief from the noise
A broken joker
He feds his lies to
Needs my pain
Wants me to beg
Crawl for mercy
His game his rules
Just the puppet
To his sick fantasy
A blackened soul
Who loves misery
Published 15th Jan 2020
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Anonymous
15th Jan 2020 7:54am
<< post removed >>
15th Jan 2020 8:01am
It’s not the thoughts, I’ve never thought about suicide. It’s the impulse where I just snap say fuck it. Last time 7 yrs in March end up in ICU for 10 days
15th Jan 2020 12:48pm
15th Jan 2020 12:59pm
15th Jan 2020 12:55pm
My sister was often like that. Impulsive. Filled with brilliant ideas like suddenly swerving her car off the road. In her case, "Fuck it" was an acceptance that in order to get attention from family and others, the ends justified the means.
Regardless, there is always an underlying reason, but I would hazard a guess that the demon is hiding in plain sight and it is no demon.
We want something, but feel we can't have it unless something drastic happens and we just go around in circles until the Universe intercedes with the message "Here is the opportunity - do this now - ask questions later."
A thought provoking write, AP.
Regardless, there is always an underlying reason, but I would hazard a guess that the demon is hiding in plain sight and it is no demon.
We want something, but feel we can't have it unless something drastic happens and we just go around in circles until the Universe intercedes with the message "Here is the opportunity - do this now - ask questions later."
A thought provoking write, AP.
15th Jan 2020 1:51pm
We are all demons and angels, AP. As well as humans and spirits; it's all part of the experience. My father always said knowing is half the battle; overcoming the victory. I enjoyed this confessional piece very much.
15th Jan 2020 6:18pm
This spill resonates, for me.........sometimes
i've never thought of a different Vibration other than my own to possess or live within me
and so my suicide ideation and or attempts have been all me and not crying out for anything as i always tried to in secret -- leaving no note behind.
I HAVE reached the << Fuck it >> point, but usually when in a psychotic episodal state
@ least You are AWARE, Brother
this is SOMETHING and like Ahavati's Dad says -- half the battle
Despite the subject matter, a very honest sobering spill, well done
thank You for sharing
i've never thought of a different Vibration other than my own to possess or live within me
and so my suicide ideation and or attempts have been all me and not crying out for anything as i always tried to in secret -- leaving no note behind.
I HAVE reached the << Fuck it >> point, but usually when in a psychotic episodal state
@ least You are AWARE, Brother
this is SOMETHING and like Ahavati's Dad says -- half the battle
Despite the subject matter, a very honest sobering spill, well done
thank You for sharing
15th Jan 2020 6:33pm
15th Jan 2020 8:51pm
i've already chatted about my eventual suicide to my Sister (who i think <hope> is gonna out live e1).
& since e1 is Christian 'cept for me (the white relatives and about 25% of the Okinawans)
there not much else left.
My ex (in Scotland) wants me to touch bases with her before and so other than her and that
Yeah, no note
& since e1 is Christian 'cept for me (the white relatives and about 25% of the Okinawans)
there not much else left.
My ex (in Scotland) wants me to touch bases with her before and so other than her and that
Yeah, no note
Anonymous
16th Jan 2020 00:33am
Reading through your write and through the comments, seriously makes me feel at home. I felt alone in this feeling. Now no more. Thank you AP56 for this write and thank you @Tallen, and all you great souls. I feel in peace and I feel at home.
We all have our silent battles, yours maybe different to mine but all the more important to you, if the spill and the comments have helped then brilliant
16th Jan 2020 8:25pm
Dark, chilling, a feeling many of us have felt before, you show the reality of it. Great write!
9th Dec 2020 1:30am
