deepundergroundpoetry.com
Look the Other Way
So tell me, what in the actual fuck is the difference between now and then?
Is it the clothes, the colors, the styles or the barb wired fence?
Is this the criminal element they speak about on the news?
ICE is the new cold old Gestapo, rounding them up like they did Jews.
Can someone please explain to me how laws have no moral compass
Treating kids with atrociousness while many just look the other way?
The land of the free sounds like a dream sold to souls with injustice,
To those without means, seeking a new place to stay and be safe.
Seriously, whatever happened kindness and humanity?
People are escaping their homelands because some are in danger,
In search for a better life they flee from all the insanity,
Only to be locked up and treated like animals because they’re strangers?
“Oh but there is a proper way to do things because we have laws”
Fuck that! If people were firing at me I’d try to save my life too,
“Well there is process to follow” have you fucking heard their cause?
Shit is bad out there you have no idea, I only wish you knew…
These are some desperate times and so they take desperate measures,
Their only crime is crossing national borders trying to endure,
Illegal immigration is a fucked up situation for those who have less,
But hate and racism seems to be a disease that has no cure.
So keep scrolling, maybe change the channel, or look the other way,
By tomorrow you will forget about them and go about your day.
Published 18th Jan 2020
| Edited 20th Jan 2020
Author's Note
For the Show us your darkness comp
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Wally this is a very passionate piece of work which moved me because I understand completely where you are coming from. So much for our creed “Give me your tired, your poor,/ Your huddled masses yearning to breathe ..." That ending couplet is so powerful and really drives the crisis home.
Because it is such a powerful poem, I really want it to be tighter—
therefore, a few suggests—
up [like did] Jews.
I would insert 'they' before did; or, simply say 'as Jews' to add to the consonance of s.
how [can] laws
You don't need 'can'.
no moral compass[?]
[And] treat kids
Here I would remove the question mark, along with 'and', and alter the tense to treating
no moral compass
treating kids
sold to [souls with injustice]
If you really want to get down with some awesome assonance, I would suggest saying
sold to immoral souls
To those without means [looking] [for] a new place to stay and be safe.
I would change looking to seeking to add some delicious alliteration as well as consonance to that line. If you do that, you won't need 'for', and a comma might not hurt to give the reader a pause:
To those without means, seeking a new place to stay and be safe.
There's some more work we could do, such as removing excess words, punctuation, and perhaps rearranging tenses for a stronger impact. However, I am uncertain how invested you are to leaving this piece as it is. It's extremely emotional and personal I feel, so don't want to overstep my bounds here, despite you requesting such honest critique.
Oh, and don't forget about the Japanese living here who were rounded up during the war and put in camps as well.
Because it is such a powerful poem, I really want it to be tighter—
therefore, a few suggests—
up [like did] Jews.
I would insert 'they' before did; or, simply say 'as Jews' to add to the consonance of s.
how [can] laws
You don't need 'can'.
no moral compass[?]
[And] treat kids
Here I would remove the question mark, along with 'and', and alter the tense to treating
no moral compass
treating kids
sold to [souls with injustice]
If you really want to get down with some awesome assonance, I would suggest saying
sold to immoral souls
To those without means [looking] [for] a new place to stay and be safe.
I would change looking to seeking to add some delicious alliteration as well as consonance to that line. If you do that, you won't need 'for', and a comma might not hurt to give the reader a pause:
To those without means, seeking a new place to stay and be safe.
There's some more work we could do, such as removing excess words, punctuation, and perhaps rearranging tenses for a stronger impact. However, I am uncertain how invested you are to leaving this piece as it is. It's extremely emotional and personal I feel, so don't want to overstep my bounds here, despite you requesting such honest critique.
Oh, and don't forget about the Japanese living here who were rounded up during the war and put in camps as well.
20th Jan 2020 3:27am
Thanks Ahavati. I made some of those changes. I'll have to get back to the line with the souls as I was trying to convey a different idea. As I'm reading and researching these things I get a little passionate and write too fast sometimes.
