deepundergroundpoetry.com
JESUS SPEAKS TO A YOUNG MAN.
JESUS SPEAKS TO A YOUNG MAN.
Do not pray, young man, but save the child,
in the boat, and his mum's on the shore.
Fearful waves and winds so strong could cut
the unstable rope his mother tied.
Diving in the water is too hard;
it's the loudest prayer you can sing.
I am urging you to save the child
as l saved poor man from his first sin.
Your great saving act is so divine
as the child will be in his mum's arms.
With utmost content, l'll look at you,
and the happy two give you delight.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Do not pray, young man, but save the child,
in the boat, and his mum's on the shore.
Fearful waves and winds so strong could cut
the unstable rope his mother tied.
Diving in the water is too hard;
it's the loudest prayer you can sing.
I am urging you to save the child
as l saved poor man from his first sin.
Your great saving act is so divine
as the child will be in his mum's arms.
With utmost content, l'll look at you,
and the happy two give you delight.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 14th Jan 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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14th Jan 2020 10:50pm
Are these lines supposed to be trochaic?
Fearful waves and winds so strong could cut
the unstable rope his mother tied.
They seem to scan
FEARful WAVES and WINDS SO STRONG could CUT
the unSTAble ROPE his MOther TIED.
In other words, they contain a confused mixture of metrical feet .
Fearful waves and winds so strong could cut
the unstable rope his mother tied.
They seem to scan
FEARful WAVES and WINDS SO STRONG could CUT
the unSTAble ROPE his MOther TIED.
In other words, they contain a confused mixture of metrical feet .
14th Jan 2020 11:02pm
No, they aren't confused, but you can't reach perfection. The best poets can't.
14th Jan 2020 11:33pm
Are you saying that your lines ARE of one meter? If so, where is my scansion incorrect?
And if you are asserting that it's impossible for anyone to achieve perfect meter, what grounds do you have for criticizing anyone whose meter is inconsistent for it being so?
And if you are asserting that it's impossible for anyone to achieve perfect meter, what grounds do you have for criticizing anyone whose meter is inconsistent for it being so?
Please tell me how and why this submission of mine is not better than yours above. It certainly has a rhythm that is more consistent than yours is.
It’s action now, not words,
that’s needed for salvation of
that ship borne child
who’s wind tossed out on waters deep
and is at mighty risk
of falling over board,
upended from his boat that’s soon
to come unmoored,
despite his mother’s grip
upon its staying hope, by all
the vicious, dark
upsurgings of the sea.
Pray not. It is a waste of breath
and does no good against
the power of the storm-wrought rage
that swells up anger in the deep
.
Instead, move quickly to secure
the dock line rope
that’s trailing from the small craft’s stern
around the pylons of the pier.
And why? Because the answering
by gods of plaintive words to them
takes time, and there’s no time
to lose if you’re intent
to rescue and make safe the child
from drowning in fell waves.
Your efforts are the only way
to keep his boat and him unhurt
from all the savage lashings of
the storm, Brave deeds, not pleas
directed heavenward
yes, are the means by which
there's solace brought into
the harrows of a blighted day.
It’s action now, not words,
that’s needed for salvation of
that ship borne child
who’s wind tossed out on waters deep
and is at mighty risk
of falling over board,
upended from his boat that’s soon
to come unmoored,
despite his mother’s grip
upon its staying hope, by all
the vicious, dark
upsurgings of the sea.
Pray not. It is a waste of breath
and does no good against
the power of the storm-wrought rage
that swells up anger in the deep
.
Instead, move quickly to secure
the dock line rope
that’s trailing from the small craft’s stern
around the pylons of the pier.
And why? Because the answering
by gods of plaintive words to them
takes time, and there’s no time
to lose if you’re intent
to rescue and make safe the child
from drowning in fell waves.
Your efforts are the only way
to keep his boat and him unhurt
from all the savage lashings of
the storm, Brave deeds, not pleas
directed heavenward
yes, are the means by which
there's solace brought into
the harrows of a blighted day.
