Funeral Song

Excellent, Harry.

I'm glad you like it! When posting, I literally looked at it and was like, "What would Ahavati suggest for this?"

Then I cleaned up a bunch of the punctuation and stuff.

There’s so much in this I can get behind.

Firstly, the brevity is a superpower to this. Tied in with the title it really adds this stark tone to the piece as a whole. The echoing in our brains we get of “ashes to ashes, dust to dust” from the first two lines is one that stuck with me when reading.

I liked the double meaning portrayed with the line “meet on stale bones” — not just a person meeting with death, but also meat on stale bones, being a fine metaphor for death.

The alliteration in the last line of the soft H adds this very lyrical feel to the closing sentiment. Also sounds like a hushhhhh when reading the poem out loud, which I think adds to the overall tone of this subtly dark offering.

I’ve got a few different things from this each time I’ve read it. It’s a delicate offering hiding a sadness I can’t quite put my finger on. I think if it were me, I’d strip all punctuation aside from the line after stale bones and the end full stop. Adds so much more to the bare bones nature of the poem.

Thank you for sharing.

-M

Thanks for the insight and tips, Missy! I do enjoy a little punnery in my poems. I also threw in morning/mourning at the end for good measure.  Thanks for reading!

Mm. Sadly sublime Harry. The brevity and economy combine to paint this vivid, 3 dimensional portrait. I could get a decent Spotlight just out of everything each exquisite line expresses. Beautiful.

Thanks Dan. It means a lot coming from you!

A great strong worded poem sensational and sassy. Kudos for this muse.

Pls Pleez do comment my newest poem too, as interaction via comments is cool I feel and thoughts are best written.

Many thanks, and will do!