lies and the damage done

 
I am my own worst enemy
I'm not to be trusted
who can trust me when I can't trust myself to do right?

I betray my very own heart
sinister stirrings my undoing
I know what's best for me
naturally, I do the opposite

to someone so good to me...my husband
a soldier at his post who's been diligent in my protection
I hurt him...stick the knife in his back and twist it

I hate what I am
I'm one of the lowest
he trusts me
I want to tell him no stop
but I love him deeply
I couldn't bear to be without him

I will die when he leaves me
worse yet I will wish for death but it won't come
I will linger, burn knowing I wreaked havoc
breaking his heart

I have nowhere left to turn
I must hide in my lies
the truth is too awful
I couldn't bear the hurt in his eyes

I don't understand what's wrong with me
other women are trusted and beautiful wives
why couldn't I be that for him?

he needs me desperately
I don't know what he will do without me
I fear the future...

with each beat of my deceitful heart
I know reckoning day is coming