Not Good Enough.

I help you through hard times, as you do I
But you really don't know how much I hide
Even though we are the best of friends
I really don't think you can understand
I can't bear the hurt, I can't stand the pain
A feeling of numbness I can't explain
This is a life in which I walk alone
Full of hope shattered and broken
Always angry for no reason at all
Constantly wanting to end this brawl
Fighting with myself again and again
Sometimes I want this life to end
Mom's depressed but chooses to hide
Takes out her anger on those by her side
Doesn't understand I try to help
She shuts me out and hates instead
Too many friends are hurt ass well
Thinking that their life is hell
Too many friends wanting to stop
Thinking suicide is the only option
But inside me is the worst of all
I DON'T KNOW how long I can stand tall
Memories of happiness are stood away
But horrible twisted thoughts are to stay
Nothing I do can make her proud
There is no silver lining on her clouds
I'm a rainstorm filled with dark black skies
And a haunting rainfall full of lies
I only wish I could make her see
I'm trying hard so I can be
Someone that she can trust and love
Instead she tells me I'm not good enough
Everything I do is a wrong decision
She constantly tells me I'm not living
The path she truly wishes I'd take
But I'm only one big mistake
If I could I'd erase myself from here
I wouldn't have to live this fear
I also wish I could be skinny
And always happy, fun and pretty
Instead I look at myself in the mirror
Disappointed in the reflection that appears
It's hard to live when you don't love who you are
Wishing that you could change it all
Every day I make a mental note
How much would I miss, if I decide to go
And how much hurt makes me lean toward the edge
Is slowly creeping up the hedge
How much longer can I last?
Before my life becomes one of the past.