for the disillusioned

 
to all the poets who are disillusioned with me
all I can say is I understand
I disappoint

at first glance, you might have been attracted to me
you liked my writing
I enjoyed your company
in my heart, I knew
knew it wouldn't last
you will leave...I know

decide I wasn't for you
it happens...for years now
different poets
different faces
I've come to expect it

I have no choice but to be me
I can't be anyone else
sometimes I'm beautiful
others quite ugly
delusional yeah that's me too

I wanted to tell you when we met
don't invest yourself
you'll be moving along
when I fail to deliver what you expect

it hurts...inside me it hurts
I don't tell you but it does
I have my pride though
so I hide it
with a doubly dark poem to send you off with

see I was left at a young age
abandoned
I don't want your pity

I just need to be damned sure about you
before I let you in...really