deepundergroundpoetry.com
broken glass
beautifully broken I awake standing on shattered glass
I can feel the shards puncture my feet but I feel no urge to move
maybe the pain is what my body craves, or maybe ive just become so numb to what hurts me
either way im frozen
I look down slowly as my mind generically takes in my surroundings
blood.
almost immediately my hands fall to the glass.
i clasp a piece in my grip and watch the red river flow from my hand
its nothing like the pain ive felt before
its euphoric.
its captivatingly calm.
i am alive.
all at once i succumb to the intense ache on my skin
i scramble to my feet and beg my legs to float above this hell
but they dont oblige and im weak
endorphins race through my veins but its not enough
its never enough.
ive been numb for so long they've forgotten what route to take.
i feel my heart beat one last time
i was alive.
I can feel the shards puncture my feet but I feel no urge to move
maybe the pain is what my body craves, or maybe ive just become so numb to what hurts me
either way im frozen
I look down slowly as my mind generically takes in my surroundings
blood.
almost immediately my hands fall to the glass.
i clasp a piece in my grip and watch the red river flow from my hand
its nothing like the pain ive felt before
its euphoric.
its captivatingly calm.
i am alive.
all at once i succumb to the intense ache on my skin
i scramble to my feet and beg my legs to float above this hell
but they dont oblige and im weak
endorphins race through my veins but its not enough
its never enough.
ive been numb for so long they've forgotten what route to take.
i feel my heart beat one last time
i was alive.
Published 13th Jul 2019
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Anonymous
13th Jul 2019 4:33am
Sosherose.. powerful.. really dig your emotion, and depth.. nicely done.. welcome to D.U. this makes my reading list.. much respect..
Dave
Dave
13th Jul 2019 4:45pm
13th Jul 2019 4:55pm
13th Jul 2019 4:55pm
Sometimes we long to feel the pain in order to know we're alive. Welcome to DUP and hope to see lots more of your work.
So she rose.. I agree. Powerful. Love the screen name. It drew me in. I'm honored to welcome you to our thriving community of amazing writers. There is every flavor of the rainbow here and the best way to get feedback is to give it. I always try to give people the kind of thoughtful and positive response I would want on my writes.
I describe myself as beautifully broken in my write The Dune Sea, which followed a terrible heartbreak. Immediate strong resonance there. I love your message and I also found that pain is an awakening experience, bringing our awareness back to the living moment. Your close is striking, as are the visceral details of your write.
If I were to suggest anything, it would be to perhaps slow the pace a bit with some technique like describing the milieu, letting the emotion bleed through the way you describe what you see, so the reader is drawn to see the world through your unique lens. My most recent post O Filos Sou, o Drakos has an oscillating format of diatribe, then scene description, so you can see this technique in motion, if you like.
I hope you will enjoy your time here. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz says: Don't take anything personally. Always do your best. Don't make assumptions. Be impeccable with your word. A wonderful guide post for life, but if you apply it, just here on the site, you'll likely have a great experience with us.
I'm Daniel. It's nice to meet you. :)
I describe myself as beautifully broken in my write The Dune Sea, which followed a terrible heartbreak. Immediate strong resonance there. I love your message and I also found that pain is an awakening experience, bringing our awareness back to the living moment. Your close is striking, as are the visceral details of your write.
If I were to suggest anything, it would be to perhaps slow the pace a bit with some technique like describing the milieu, letting the emotion bleed through the way you describe what you see, so the reader is drawn to see the world through your unique lens. My most recent post O Filos Sou, o Drakos has an oscillating format of diatribe, then scene description, so you can see this technique in motion, if you like.
I hope you will enjoy your time here. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz says: Don't take anything personally. Always do your best. Don't make assumptions. Be impeccable with your word. A wonderful guide post for life, but if you apply it, just here on the site, you'll likely have a great experience with us.
I'm Daniel. It's nice to meet you. :)
Anonymous
14th Jul 2019 5:03am
Welcome! That is a very dramatic piece, written very well!
15th Jul 2019 3:21pm
I appreciate the immediacy herein.
Like the dream that seemed to go on for hours, but was actually just a few minutes.
Like the dream that seemed to go on for hours, but was actually just a few minutes.
