deepundergroundpoetry.com
Aishiteru My Love
my love you are shine so bright
thoughts of you keep me up all night.
like a bird you fly real high,
you are my love up in the sky.
no wrongs or rights will chang my feel,
whats in my heart is so real.
i want you to know,close to me.
even if your parents dont want to see.
you keep me high and bubbly threw the day,
even if you have nothing to say.
my love you are forever and time.
to every word that i rhyme.
stay with me, dont let go,
within givin time you never no.
-Kumiko Yamamoto
thoughts of you keep me up all night.
like a bird you fly real high,
you are my love up in the sky.
no wrongs or rights will chang my feel,
whats in my heart is so real.
i want you to know,close to me.
even if your parents dont want to see.
you keep me high and bubbly threw the day,
even if you have nothing to say.
my love you are forever and time.
to every word that i rhyme.
stay with me, dont let go,
within givin time you never no.
-Kumiko Yamamoto
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likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 13
reads 1175
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Aishiteru
11th Dec 2011 4:33am
Nice flow. Beautiful write. Aishiteru is a perfect tittle for this. Who ever it is they are lucky :)
0
re: Aishiteru
11th Dec 2011 4:59am
Sweet
11th Dec 2011 5:26am
re: Sweet
11th Dec 2011 5:32am
re: Luv
11th Dec 2011 7:54am
Love It !
11th Dec 2011 8:46pm
This has a lot of deep emotions in it...i can totally relate to this...I love this piece...keep writing
0
re: Love It !
11th Dec 2011 9:18pm
Honest critique
20th Dec 2011 00:00am
Just some spelling help so don't worry too much. I enjoyed this piece, it shows promise. Now onto some spelling and word order help, as long as you would like it that is.
Line 1: My love to me you shine so bright
Line 5: change how I feel
Line 9: through (instead of 'threw')
Line 14: given (instead of 'givin').
I hope you don't think this help is barbed criticism or condemnation, it is only friendly help.
Line 1: My love to me you shine so bright
Line 5: change how I feel
Line 9: through (instead of 'threw')
Line 14: given (instead of 'givin').
I hope you don't think this help is barbed criticism or condemnation, it is only friendly help.
1
re: Honest critique
20th Dec 2011 1:52am
re: re: Honest critique
8th Mar 2012 6:03am
re: re: re: Honest critique
8th Mar 2012 7:08am
Re: Aishiteru My Love
25th Jul 2012 9:43pm