deepundergroundpoetry.com
Don't wake me now
Given the chance
he would choose eternal sleep
but not death
death would end the affair
or at the very least cast doubt
on the continued rendezvous
no
sleep would be far more real
and eternal sleep would by definition
go on and on forever
sleep being the only viable portal
where his dreams are obtainable
a tangible reward spread even
through the towns and cities of the world
it's just the waking up part that's a drag
the slow withdrawal of intimate image
oh he would try to cling on
to lock dreams into memories
before they slip the mind
to become more a nagging question
asked and asked all the waking hours
given the choice
he would choose eternal sleep
but not death
people tend to move on after death
sure they might hold affection
or place tear stained carnations
for an appropriate amount of time
though moving on is hardly a crime
no
sleep would be far more real
a walk on the silver sands
warm to the touch of bare feet
the ocean filled with clear water
splash a while and flash a smile
onward then towards the place
where proud palm trees offer shelter
given the chance
he would choose sleep eternal
but not death.
he would choose eternal sleep
but not death
death would end the affair
or at the very least cast doubt
on the continued rendezvous
no
sleep would be far more real
and eternal sleep would by definition
go on and on forever
sleep being the only viable portal
where his dreams are obtainable
a tangible reward spread even
through the towns and cities of the world
it's just the waking up part that's a drag
the slow withdrawal of intimate image
oh he would try to cling on
to lock dreams into memories
before they slip the mind
to become more a nagging question
asked and asked all the waking hours
given the choice
he would choose eternal sleep
but not death
people tend to move on after death
sure they might hold affection
or place tear stained carnations
for an appropriate amount of time
though moving on is hardly a crime
no
sleep would be far more real
a walk on the silver sands
warm to the touch of bare feet
the ocean filled with clear water
splash a while and flash a smile
onward then towards the place
where proud palm trees offer shelter
given the chance
he would choose sleep eternal
but not death.
Written by
lepperochan
(Craic-Dealer)
Published 5th Dec 2011
| Edited 6th Dec 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 20
reading list entries 2
comments 35
reads 1635
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
:)
Eamon
Bravo for
1. the slow withdrawal of intimate image
2. splash a while and flash a smile
3. onward then towards the place
Perfecto!
This is your second poem I have the honour of
reading and surprisingly the theme is the same
which happens to be my favourite theme.:)
I feel the 'no-punctuation' part was conscious.
Works well. It starts, paints and then ends.
A very simple affair-fluid and just.
More:)
Curtsy,
S
p.s- 'slip the mind'-I have a feeling that
'slip of' would be more appropriate.
Correct me if wrong.
And like the last time I 'felt' it. :)
You are g o o d.
Bravo for
1. the slow withdrawal of intimate image
2. splash a while and flash a smile
3. onward then towards the place
Perfecto!
This is your second poem I have the honour of
reading and surprisingly the theme is the same
which happens to be my favourite theme.:)
I feel the 'no-punctuation' part was conscious.
Works well. It starts, paints and then ends.
A very simple affair-fluid and just.
More:)
Curtsy,
S
p.s- 'slip the mind'-I have a feeling that
'slip of' would be more appropriate.
Correct me if wrong.
And like the last time I 'felt' it. :)
You are g o o d.
1
re: :)
6th Dec 2011 00:42am
Mr Summit.
Thanks much for your thoughts.
to be honest i was not sure of the line
"splash a while and flash a smile" so i am glad you liked it.
'no-punctuation' along with some other nuggets of wisdom were given to me by Mr Heslop before i posted this,(cheers Jack)
i had a think about your suggestion of slip of the mind as opposed to slip the mind, i am leaning towards the latter purely because of the preceding
words, ie "before they slip of the mind"
I think i may have to do a little editing to re-enforce the theme as i see it.Getting different perspectives though is always a plus for me.
always delighted to have you dropping by Mr Summit
thanks again for your kind words. :)
Thanks much for your thoughts.
to be honest i was not sure of the line
"splash a while and flash a smile" so i am glad you liked it.
'no-punctuation' along with some other nuggets of wisdom were given to me by Mr Heslop before i posted this,(cheers Jack)
i had a think about your suggestion of slip of the mind as opposed to slip the mind, i am leaning towards the latter purely because of the preceding
words, ie "before they slip of the mind"
I think i may have to do a little editing to re-enforce the theme as i see it.Getting different perspectives though is always a plus for me.
always delighted to have you dropping by Mr Summit
thanks again for your kind words. :)
...
6th Dec 2011 4:32am
re: ...
6th Dec 2011 5:17am
Oh Eamon!
6th Dec 2011 4:55am
re: Oh Eamon!
6th Dec 2011 5:23am
well I don't quite know how to respond to that Adele.
I guess I should first say thanks ever so much.
You know, writing poems can be hard sometimes,well a lot of the times, but to have one be received well and to invoke comments like the one you just made(however flattering) makes it all worth while.
I thank you again. :D
I guess I should first say thanks ever so much.
You know, writing poems can be hard sometimes,well a lot of the times, but to have one be received well and to invoke comments like the one you just made(however flattering) makes it all worth while.
I thank you again. :D
re: re: Oh Eamon!
8th Dec 2011 6:14pm
comment
6th Dec 2011 1:38pm
re: comment
6th Dec 2011 1:52pm
Ophieliac,
Many thanks for your reading and word of encouragement.
Given you are a person of few words at the best of times it is indeed an honor to receive such a long one. :)
Many thanks for your reading and word of encouragement.
Given you are a person of few words at the best of times it is indeed an honor to receive such a long one. :)
Your words
7th Dec 2011 00:48am
and work ALWAYS require the reader to think.
I have always appreciated your fine work and this piece is no different.
Now do me a favor. Write me a steamy one.
Awwww did your cheeks just get red? (lol)
Cheers Eamon
I have always appreciated your fine work and this piece is no different.
Now do me a favor. Write me a steamy one.
Awwww did your cheeks just get red? (lol)
Cheers Eamon
1
re: Your words
7th Dec 2011 3:28am
Kym.
wonderful to have you drop by and leave your footprint.
Yes, yes you have made me go red. :O
Figure i'll leave the steamy one's to yourself and the others that can "pull it off well"
Thanks, Kym
wonderful to have you drop by and leave your footprint.
Yes, yes you have made me go red. :O
Figure i'll leave the steamy one's to yourself and the others that can "pull it off well"
Thanks, Kym
your amazing
7th Dec 2011 5:09am
re: your amazing
8th Dec 2011 6:15pm
Comment
Anonymous
- Edited 8th Dec 2011 8:57pm
8th Dec 2011 4:15am
Despair is an emotion many writers attempt to evoke without really understanding. This poem understands. Sadness and melancholia aren't about cliches stolen from bad gothic fiction, they're about not wanting to wake up, the desire to live in an imaginary world which can be controlled. The beauty of this poem is in its contradictions. The narrator wants to escape reality while also remaining a part of it. To die would be to sacrifice himself to eternal unconsciousness, to be gotten over and forgotten. He wants both the reality and the fantasy, the tragedy being that they can't be reconciled. There's something Hamlet-esque about all this. Except, of course, that Hamlet feared "what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil." Your narrator sees only blackness on the other side of life, and craves what dreams may come.
In short, this is some kind of masterpiece. Thanks for the read, Eamonn.
In short, this is some kind of masterpiece. Thanks for the read, Eamonn.
1
re: Comment
Jack,
I am left feeling slightly disturbed at the way you can do a Jedi Derren Brown on my head.
That said, i admire you ability to not only understand poetry but also to express your understanding so coherently which alas the latter is something i lack.
your comment is a near word perfect summary of what i was trying to get across.
cheers man!
I am left feeling slightly disturbed at the way you can do a Jedi Derren Brown on my head.
That said, i admire you ability to not only understand poetry but also to express your understanding so coherently which alas the latter is something i lack.
your comment is a near word perfect summary of what i was trying to get across.
cheers man!
...
Anonymous
8th Dec 2011 7:20pm
you had me hooked from the first line!loved it! back to read it once more!
1
re: ...
8th Dec 2011 8:11pm
ahh, well thank youyouyou.
very pleased you chose to stop by and leave your thoughts. an honor indeed.
:)
very pleased you chose to stop by and leave your thoughts. an honor indeed.
:)
Romantic
9th Dec 2011 2:02am
with an almost classical feel. Leaves me wondering how I didn't think of this myself because of the subject's simplicity, but the tones and shades make it stand out, engaging the senses and the mind as dreams usually do. Beautiful work.
1
re: Romantic
9th Dec 2011 2:46am
ahh, Jolais me ol flower :)
yeah, hopeless romantic thats me.
good of you to drop by on one of your non too frequent visits to the underground.
thanks much for your kind and true words.
yeah, hopeless romantic thats me.
good of you to drop by on one of your non too frequent visits to the underground.
thanks much for your kind and true words.
Oush,
Anonymous
23rd Jan 2012 12:53pm
This piece is so sad... it really had a despairing undertone to it, and yet i found myself drawn in to a world in which i did not want to wake up.
'Death would end the affair' hit me right in the guts.
Well done.
'Death would end the affair' hit me right in the guts.
Well done.
1
re: Oush,
24th Jan 2012 2:18am
Miss-Sub
yes, there is a certain despairing undertone going on, fair play to you for spotting it.
Thanks millions for stopping by and leaving your thoughts. sorry bout the hit in the guts you got.
yes, there is a certain despairing undertone going on, fair play to you for spotting it.
Thanks millions for stopping by and leaving your thoughts. sorry bout the hit in the guts you got.
Anonymous
- Edited 20th Oct 2019 8:45pm
21st Feb 2012 7:35am
<< post removed >>
re: ..
21st Feb 2012 9:03pm
Well thank you Darkdreams.
A nice comment indeed.
Glad you liked this little number.
A nice comment indeed.
Glad you liked this little number.
comment
31st Mar 2012 4:34pm
a wise write leaving me affected and impressed.
i was listening to a voice poem, then hit the similar link, alas this piece and i am the better for the stumble.
i was listening to a voice poem, then hit the similar link, alas this piece and i am the better for the stumble.
1
re: comment
1st Apr 2012 5:41am
Re: Don't wake me now
25th Oct 2012 7:51am
This is my favorite, by far. I have felt this way, you've captured it with intricate perfection. Astounding work. Going in my reading list.
1
Re: Don't wake me now
25th Oct 2012 11:23am
Miss T,
yes, this is probably my favorite of all mine, for my own reasons, which is kind of odd because most of my other favorites fall in and out of favor with each new write.
your visits are deeply encouraging.
thanks for the drop by and words.
yes, this is probably my favorite of all mine, for my own reasons, which is kind of odd because most of my other favorites fall in and out of favor with each new write.
your visits are deeply encouraging.
thanks for the drop by and words.
Re: Don't wake me now
15th Dec 2012 1:36am
This really spoke to me, the feeling of pervading sadness throughout the rest of it was made even more hard hitting when you say 'splash a while and flash a smile' to punctuate the melancholy. And I hope you don't mind, but this gave me some inspiration to write something similar, hopefully it's not too similar :s I think I'm going to enjoy reading through the rest of your work :)
1
Re: Don't wake me now
15th Dec 2012 6:28am
DystopianMelody,
Thank you. this one is just over a year old and I can still remember writing every line.
don't mind at all. giving inspiration is a pretty decent compliment as is the rest of your comment.
thanks for dropping by and leaving your foot print .
Thank you. this one is just over a year old and I can still remember writing every line.
don't mind at all. giving inspiration is a pretty decent compliment as is the rest of your comment.
thanks for dropping by and leaving your foot print .
Re. Don't wake me now
Anonymous
26th Mar 2016 9:15pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Don't wake me now
27th Mar 2016 10:36pm
Bonjour, Gabriel
Jaysus, this one brings me back. yeah, it's a helluvan idea
many thanks to you for dropping by and leaving your thinkings, good fellow
much appreciated
Jaysus, this one brings me back. yeah, it's a helluvan idea
many thanks to you for dropping by and leaving your thinkings, good fellow
much appreciated
Re. Don't wake me now
12th Dec 2019 4:04pm
Re: Re. Don't wake me now
18th Dec 2019 4:04pm